[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Okay Ks -- you have no reason to apologize. You came to the right place. Here. Your rad onc is a j**ckass!!! Seriously -- change docs!!!! Talk about red flags... I don't care how many degrees he has, he has zero bedside manner.

I had an onc who was a brilliant moron. Emphasis on "had". He would sit at the counter in the exam room with his back to me as I dressed and talk into the phone, dictating his notes. He would say things like, It is remarkable that this patient is still alive. Most would have succumbed to this disease yrs ago.

Excuse me, I'd think. Did you just say that out loud??!! Yes if I went by what I read, I had less than a 15% chance of surviving for a yr. Less for any longer. Well, to hell w/that. I tossed that book/those books and turned to the ones who spoke of the victors in Life, the Olympic medalists who rocked the statistics despite blah, blah, blah...

My friend told me that's fine. Her lucky # is 13. YOU ARE #13, THAT'S IT!! YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE, AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT. She had a rhinestone pin made for me that said #13. It has become my lucky #!! The Universe keeps sending that # to me -- messages that I am going to be fine.

So, what # would you like, Ks?? It's YOURS.

I've been on Zoloft since my bc metastasized throughout my liver. No side effects. Keeps me chemically balanced and able to fight on. Go for it. (You know I use supplements big time every single day since Oct '98 -- but I also use meds that keep my bld pressure normal, my cholesterol good, my depression in check, my need to sleep to help my body heal and restore itself. No shame in any of it.)

You go on a be a miracle. Surround yourself with docs and nurses who believe in you and are open to possibilities. You are no run of mill patient. Stay 10 miles away from the realists and the stupidly inhumane. Those pp should not be allowed anywhere near a patient. They belong in a lab, w/no human contact.

Re GI issues, I have had the bathroom drama in varying degrees since '95 w/chemo and neverending. I have tried 5 gastro guys and dozens of meds, non of which actually worked but for Lomotil and that knocks you out, which is crazy. I used to take Imodium pills. I farrrr exceeded the dosage. Cause I had to. To be able to leave the toilet. I reported myself to my onc. How many do you take?, he asked gently. 20...!!! Ok, he said, and what happens after you do that? I am normal. And what happens the next day? I am normal. So, go for it, he offered.

However -- I read some mnths back in a post from our dear Brenda that her onc told her to take LIQUID IMODIUM and it worked great. And it works amazingly for me!! A half cup usually does it. Sometimes I need another 1/2 cup. I carry a small bottle w/me at all times. And have back up bottles at home, just in case.

So don't worry. Whatever goes wrong, we can all gather around and offer our expertise, even though we aren't docs, we are professional patients. And that counts for a lot.

Keep drinking water alllll day! Essential. Horrid things happen if you dehydrate. Just get yourself into the habit, no matter what.

For nausea Phenegan worked for me. And if it failed on occasion I took Zofran. Granted that was the late 90s and maybe nowadays there are better ones, but my fav onc has told me -- you should never have to suffer. That's why we have pills to help you. At the first moment of pain -- take a painkiller, he said. That's why I prescribed them. I never over did them. But I knew if I waited to see if it would go away on its own -- I was being foolish. And the pain would not be controllable no matter what. THERE IS NO REASON TO SUFFER.

Sleep. You've been through sooo much, Ks. Your body needs to rest, for your body to repair and heal.

Energy -- see my energy boosting supplements in WHY I TAKE SUPPLEMENTS, please. Any questions, post or PM me. I am here for you.

When you can, eat a small handful of nuts. Protein. And nourishing. Easy. Feed your body. It needs fuel!!! Like your car... Can't go on empty...

With my love and my dittos all over the place re what Denise said -- I second every word she wrote!!

Andi