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Debbie L. · 06-08-2011, 09:43 PM

I think you were closer to the truth when you talked about moving on. Moving on means (to me) taking something from an experience with you as you go. You are not starting over, as if from scratch. You are meshing the old you and what has changed in your life as a result of breast cancer -- and you are weaving it all into the you of today. What you take from the recent changes is in part your choice, and as so many have already said -- taking that new perspective that can help you seize your moments is one of the good things that can move on with you.

Your onc may simply have meant that he wanted you to get systemic treatment (as you did) because it's likely some cancer cells had moved out of the breast, which is correct. That does NOT mean you'll have a recurrence, it means that's the way many cancers, and particularly HER2+ cancers, tend to behave. That's why Herceptin and chemo is given, to get those cancer cells that have "spread". Both chemo and Herceptin are pretty effective at getting those cells. Not 100%, there is no absolute guarantee, but with your treatment you've made a big difference in the right direction.

I think it helped me most to hear that I would NEVER get back to "normal", but that I would find a "new normal". At first that sounded hard, but as I realized it was true, the second part of the statement began to seem not that bad. Some days, it even seemed like an improvement. The other good-news part of that is that we have some choice, some chance to affect, how that new normal looks.

It didn't work for me to try and convince myself that I'm cured and don't ever have to worry about cancer. It worked better for me to accept that life, particularly my life after cancer, is uncertain. And to use that uncertainty and lack of a warranty as a nearly-constant reminder to make the most of each moment. But that's just me. Others seem to do well with lots of reassurances and stories of those who've not had recurrences. And that's fine. We're all different, and because of that, we each need to find our own way. We can't assume that an approach that worked for someone else will be the right way for us.

That's probably the hardest part, and the best part, of this experience, no matter what happens ultimately. It's hard (but good) work, to look within and find what is best, for each of us individually. No one can tell us that. Only we can figure it out, for ourself. I send you lots of good wishes as you do this good work.

Debbie Laxague
PS: What you said about this being the hardest part is so right, for so many of us. I think it does help just to know that it's perfectly normal to enter this time of angst, or doldrums, or whatever we call it -- after treatment ends. Maybe we could call it a "rite of passage" into the next stage of our life.

06-08-2011, 09:43 PM	#10
Debbie L. Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 463	Re: How to start over... I think you were closer to the truth when you talked about moving on. Moving on means (to me) taking something from an experience with you as you go. You are not starting over, as if from scratch. You are meshing the old you and what has changed in your life as a result of breast cancer -- and you are weaving it all into the you of today. What you take from the recent changes is in part your choice, and as so many have already said -- taking that new perspective that can help you seize your moments is one of the good things that can move on with you. Your onc may simply have meant that he wanted you to get systemic treatment (as you did) because it's likely some cancer cells had moved out of the breast, which is correct. That does NOT mean you'll have a recurrence, it means that's the way many cancers, and particularly HER2+ cancers, tend to behave. That's why Herceptin and chemo is given, to get those cancer cells that have "spread". Both chemo and Herceptin are pretty effective at getting those cells. Not 100%, there is no absolute guarantee, but with your treatment you've made a big difference in the right direction. I think it helped me most to hear that I would NEVER get back to "normal", but that I would find a "new normal". At first that sounded hard, but as I realized it was true, the second part of the statement began to seem not that bad. Some days, it even seemed like an improvement. The other good-news part of that is that we have some choice, some chance to affect, how that new normal looks. It didn't work for me to try and convince myself that I'm cured and don't ever have to worry about cancer. It worked better for me to accept that life, particularly my life after cancer, is uncertain. And to use that uncertainty and lack of a warranty as a nearly-constant reminder to make the most of each moment. But that's just me. Others seem to do well with lots of reassurances and stories of those who've not had recurrences. And that's fine. We're all different, and because of that, we each need to find our own way. We can't assume that an approach that worked for someone else will be the right way for us. That's probably the hardest part, and the best part, of this experience, no matter what happens ultimately. It's hard (but good) work, to look within and find what is best, for each of us individually. No one can tell us that. Only we can figure it out, for ourself. I send you lots of good wishes as you do this good work. Debbie Laxague PS: What you said about this being the hardest part is so right, for so many of us. I think it does help just to know that it's perfectly normal to enter this time of angst, or doldrums, or whatever we call it -- after treatment ends. Maybe we could call it a "rite of passage" into the next stage of our life.