[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, Thanks for that. A lot of Spirit. Not mean-spirited. Not nasty. Just passionate. I love that take. I'm going to own it. Yes tip the scale in yr favor. Right on. Who knows what %. But ev inch helps. One step at a time. Will check out HEALING WORDS by Larry Dossey. EVERY THOUGHT IS LIKE A PRAYER. EVERY PRAYER IS A POTENTIAL MIRACLE. So our thoughts and prayers are potent! How grand is that?! We must do what we have the power to do.

Thanks, Chrisy for not just lurking. Love your input! Love you.

As for controlling or re-programming yr thoughts -- that's quite the challenge, believe me I know. In my early 20s, a 100 yrs ago, I lived haunted and taunted my thoughts recalling my trauma of a childhood. I couldn't get free. It was only after bc that I began reading spiritual bks and found that we need not remain in the role of victim. I grew from thinking I can't change what was and must live with it to -- It taught me much, I will take the lessons and use them well. I began to re-write my thoughts and put plenty of love into them.
I mean this pure, unconditional Universal Love that seemed to be drawn to me
as I prepared for my mastec. I was in my pool in my backyard in Dix Hills, LI, bobbing tippy toe, gently treading water, almost in the deep end, but still able to touch bottom. I lifted my face to the sun and felt this Inner Voice say with great authority -- I'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE AND IN THE END, THE HEROINE (ME) LIVES. It hit me w/such a profound faith and certainty it has never left me. I felt the sun as the Light from a Higher Power blessing me and already healing me.

Now as I meditate I recapture that moment of CONNECTING which empowers me to chose the words I will think upon all day, knowing what we think all day becomes our reality. This keeps me buoyant and believing in my power to impact my destiny.

No, I did not cause my bc. Certainly not directly. But circuitously, perhaps, full of my childhood anger, resentment and blame for The Poor Child That Was Me. I wanted to stand up for her, demand apologies and make her heal. I was just going about it all wrong. I came to heal that Child and her emotional wounds with a loving Spirit, compassion for my poor Father and then the capacity to forgive (vs dwell in negative blame and such). THAT WAS INCREDIBLY HEALING. It put me on the path to surviving. Chemo helped. Surely Herceptin continues to help. Foraging in my mental attic and working at being grounded makes me feel joyful and tranquil, which in turns makes me well -- I BELIEVE. I wish the same for all the brave, daring, well-informed warriors on this board. Every single one! Always... ANDI