This thread could not have been more timely, for I am at a career crossroads myself and also have an outstanding offer for another job that I have to reply to early next week.
Before BC, I had what I thought was the perfect life/balance working at a 70% schedule as an associate at a law firm plowing through the ladder and really enjoying my work. BC hit me like a ton of bricks in 2009 and I went on disability, taking almost a year off just when the economy hit the law firms pretty hard.
When I talked of going back to work when radiation ended in Oct '09, my supervisor told me that things were really slow and that I might as well wait for 2010 to roll around to see if things got better. I waited and in January of this year I was offered to go back not at the 70 % schedule, but as an hourly employee, which meant I could have all the flexibility I needed but also that I would only get paid for each hour I worked without any benefits whatsoever (luckily I'm on my husband's insurance so that was not an issue for me). Since I have 3 kids to take care of, I didn't mind the flexibility so much at first.
But here's what happened - people I used to work closely with never even stopped by my office to welcome me back, they simply ignored me and assumed I was no longer productive and could no longer work on their projects. I barely had any work to do because either (1) there really were not enough projects going around to keep everyone busy or (2) people didn't trust I could do it anymore. The environment left me feeling very sad and lonely when I went to work and I basically would go up to my office and work away without sometimes any human contact besides the good morning and goodbye to my secretary. My immediate supervisor was being supportive, but then when work dried up over the summer he too had no work for me to do.
So I finished Herceptin at the end of July, went on a summer vacation with my family in August, and when I came back I started getting more work all of a sudden, but the work I got (and have been getting) is work that nobody wants to do or is too busy to do. I feel trapped, and don't believe the situation will improve. I feel that I no longer have any shot at making partner, and will always be viewed as the one who got cancer. Some people still avoid me and don't know what to say when they see me in the cafeteria. It has been somewhat shocking to me how some people have reacted to my BC.
In any case, to cut this short, I now have an offer at a big public company to work full time with all the benefits. It should be easy for me to jump ship based on the above, but here is where I have doubts: (1) should I assume I have lots of years ahead of me and still can have a meaningful career or do I just work the hours needed to cover our expenses and spend the rest of the time creating memories with my kids? (2) is it worth it to give up my flexibility to work full-time with only 2 weeks vacation? (3) is it worth it getting an after school babysitter to watch my kids? how do I overcome the feelings of motherly guilt for not being with them after school and taking them to soccer practice and so forth? (4) what is the point of working so hard anyways now that I've seen the light and changed my life perspective?(5) should I quit it all together and just be with my kids and do breast cancer advocacy? And if so, can I be happy doing that given that I've invested so much time and effort to be where I am?
As you can see, Patrice, you're not the only one struggling with career issues post BC. I think a lot of us may be on the same boat. It's very distressing to go through a major illness and have everything that you've worked for somewhat collapse because of it. I recently read an article sent to me by a friend at Salon.com that talked about the difficulties of surviving the survival after a cancer diagnosis. It was very interesting and gave me lots to think about. You can find it
here and I recommend you check it out (scroll down the page to read the letter and the answer to it).
In any case, sorry if this is too long. But I too have to make a major career decision early next week and wanted to share this with you if only to show my support and companionship in this battle that we fight.
I wish you a clean mammo on Monday and peace of mind in making your decision work for you,
Marcia