[Debbie L.]

Linn65, you are so right -- we do get it. We've all been there, and we read your words and nod our heads. End of treatment can be one of the very hardest times, and it's sometimes a shock to find this is so, because we expect this to be done when we're done. Even more, others expect us to be done when we're done. Yet for most, it takes much longer than that to be done.

So be gentle with yourself. Expect that there will be a lot of emotion bubbling around for quite awhile yet -- fear, anger, frustration, anxiety. Also fatigue, which makes it all harder. I've heard it said that we should allow at least as long as it was from diagnosis to end of treatment, for healing back to our new normal after treatment. And that's just the physical part of healing. The emotional "stuff" can take longer. So keep coming here, where we understand. And be patient and gentle with yourself.

I know that there are husbands, mothers, sisters, even kids -- who are wonderfully supportive and helpful during treatment. I do hear what you're saying -- that it can be lonely without a partner. But I have to point out that this is not always the case. Sometimes even fairly decent partners just are not very good at any part of the medical or supportive stuff, and I've heard many a woman say that in some ways she thinks it would be easier if she were by herself while getting thru treatment.

As to your other comments about what should be done to support cancer patients, I don't exactly disagree. In that pie-in-the-sky world, that would be lovely. But in a world (and a country) where so many cannot get even the most basic health care, I think that it's unrealistic and even selfish to expect more than we currently get. I think it's more realistic to work toward some form of community support, whether it be with a giant breast cancer group, or a small one in one's own community. There are so many people to help -- people who fall thru the gaps during treatment, as far as getting enough of this important kind of ancillary support (transportation, meals, house-cleaning, some simple pampering). I know there are agencies and programs to help with some of these things, in some areas. But lots of people, for many reasons, are not able to access them. I guess it's back to that pie-in-the-sky world, but I do wish there could be a broader network of support, independent of "formal" health care. Even if were just in the form of an overseer, a case manager sort of person who would know all the local resources and could hook people up with them. In addition, this person would clearly see where there were gaps (for example, funds exist for help with gas costs but there are no drivers for those who can't drive), and work to fill those gaps. Much, if not all of this could be accomplished with volunteers.

We (society, especially medical society) talk about how there are more and more cancer survivors and so we must address their needs. But we could add to that and say that perhaps the best people to address those needs are the cancer survivors themselves, who are often in a perfect position to offer help to others.

Ooops, got going there. Back to YOU, Linn. I hope that you soon feel that physically, you're on the upswing as far as pain and energy. The rest (emotional recovery) will take longer and for most, is more of an up-and-down track although overall toward the up direction.

Debbie Laxague