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karen z · 07-13-2013, 08:36 AM

Hi. I got divorced the morning of May 10th, 2005 (after a 23 year old marriage) and found out later that afternoon (through a mammogram/sonogram/frank radiologist) that I had breast cancer (my internist had found the lump). I had no time to even think about my divorce or understand that it had really happened as I was immediately thrown into "cancer land". About one year later (after the more difficult part of my treatment was over....still doing Herceptin) I found myself crying almost non-stop. I saw my internist (who was quite knowledgeable about anti-depressants) and, for the first time in my life, I started to take one. That and "talk therapy" (during those times I have gone) have helped a lot. I still am not really "over" my divorce. It is not that I think we made each happy (really the opposite) but I am still emotionally attached and he is my daughter's dad (and he is a great dad). My ex-husband and I remain friends but I do not think I will every totally get over that specific loss .......as I will never get over the death of my dad when I was eight or the death of my mom. What I am trying to say (while rambling) is that I think your feelings are very normal (I do think the less specific details you get of your ex-husband's adventures the better- not saying a moratorium on information but the specifics might lead you to think more about them more or imagine more) and that you might try talk therapy (shop around for a good therapist) as well as something for depression. Remember that you do not have to take an anti-depressant forever and remember to check everything with your oncology team. That just reminded me. My hospital has a cancer wellness program that is available to anyone who is a current or former cancer patient (at my hospital or others). Do you have such a center near you? Often, such centers include a lot of activities with others going through (or having gone through) the same thing as you and are free. Ours has free consults with a nutritionist, a counselor support groups and on and on (yoga, drumming, mindfulness training). See if you can find something like that and go. Good luck and keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

07-13-2013, 08:36 AM	#6
karen z Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,477	Re: It has been a good week, until today Hi. I got divorced the morning of May 10th, 2005 (after a 23 year old marriage) and found out later that afternoon (through a mammogram/sonogram/frank radiologist) that I had breast cancer (my internist had found the lump). I had no time to even think about my divorce or understand that it had really happened as I was immediately thrown into "cancer land". About one year later (after the more difficult part of my treatment was over....still doing Herceptin) I found myself crying almost non-stop. I saw my internist (who was quite knowledgeable about anti-depressants) and, for the first time in my life, I started to take one. That and "talk therapy" (during those times I have gone) have helped a lot. I still am not really "over" my divorce. It is not that I think we made each happy (really the opposite) but I am still emotionally attached and he is my daughter's dad (and he is a great dad). My ex-husband and I remain friends but I do not think I will every totally get over that specific loss .......as I will never get over the death of my dad when I was eight or the death of my mom. What I am trying to say (while rambling) is that I think your feelings are very normal (I do think the less specific details you get of your ex-husband's adventures the better- not saying a moratorium on information but the specifics might lead you to think more about them more or imagine more) and that you might try talk therapy (shop around for a good therapist) as well as something for depression. Remember that you do not have to take an anti-depressant forever and remember to check everything with your oncology team. That just reminded me. My hospital has a cancer wellness program that is available to anyone who is a current or former cancer patient (at my hospital or others). Do you have such a center near you? Often, such centers include a lot of activities with others going through (or having gone through) the same thing as you and are free. Ours has free consults with a nutritionist, a counselor support groups and on and on (yoga, drumming, mindfulness training). See if you can find something like that and go. Good luck and keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.