[TriciaK]

Dear Berta, I'm sorry this is so long, but I want you to know I also understand your fears and concerns. That is the blessing of this website: we can share our fears and vent our anger and discouragements with each other because we do understand. I am so sorry about your aunt's death, and I can see how it brings up fear and worry for you. You may already know my story, and I don't know if it will be helpful, but I have been through experiences, including my only sister's death from BC the same year I was first diagnosed in 1985, that have in the long run strengthened my faith and resolve to keep on fighting.
I am 76 and have just had triple bypass open heart surgery because my MUGA dropped from 56 to 30 after 15 months of herceptin (6 months with chemo, too). However, I had had a heart attack 2 years ago which actually saved my life. Because of the heart attack we discovered BC in my lungs. It had returned 20 years after my first diagnosis, and 15 after my second. I would never have known the cancer was back except for a CT scan after the heart attack. We knew the herceptin could cause more heart damage, but chose to go ahead with it because the cancer was so aggressive. The herceptin worked, along with other things, and I am NED now, so we could do the surgery. It was scary, and really rough, but I am recovering very well and feeling much better, though still weak. I did have a shakup though when one of my husband's friends my same age died last week after having quadruple bypass the day after mine!
It seems we become extra sensitive to all these scary issues when we are fighting health problems of our own. Cancer is such an insidious disease, and there is so much we (and our doctors) really don't understand about it. So much is happening now in new treatments and drugs that the old statistics and ideas are changing almost daily. There is more hope than ever! I will repeat what I have said several times before, and what I keep reminding myself: fear and faith can't exist at the same time! Every time the fears come we have to consciously work to replace the fear with faith. Someone said "Worry is focussing energy on things that haven't happened and may never happen". Worry creates negative energy, not positive energy. Only positive energy can help us overcome and heal. It takes constantly reminding ourselves to make us focus on the positive. It makes us concentrate on the positive things we have to do to keep fighting, like a good diet and exercise, keeping ourselves healthy and building our strength in every way we can, as well as faith and prayer.
We have lots of positive things happening on this website and all our spirits are lifted by the good news. We have many here who do research and share things with us that help us. We have hope that there is so much being done now to make cancer just another chronic, controllable disease. And I think we all agree that what we have gone through and are going through has made us more aware of life and love, has made us more appreciative and caring. Would we choose not to go through all this? Of course! But these are our particular challenges and we are Amazon warriors who will keep on fighting together!
I don't know if any of this is of any help to you, but I do know our prayers and understanding and loving thoughts of each other add a dimension of strength we don't have alone. We need each other. I am so grateful for this website, and I am glad you know you can come here and share your grief and fears and there will be caring and concern and prayers sent your way. God bless you with comfort and faith to overcome the fear! Hugs, Tricia