Mary, it really is hard losing friend to this disease, I know how you're feeling right now. Now you're trying to get into a trial which in itself is a major endeavor, so no wonder your stress level is high...I know you've probably heard this one before, but just try to take one day at a time, get done in that day what you can and then remember that "tomorrow is another day"
It sounds corny, but it's helped me through some tough times.
<3 Lolly