[al from Canada]

Dear Sherry,

This is where Linda and I were very fortunate; we never experienced the "relationship tragedy " of cancer. It is common knowledge that Breast cancer is knock the shit out of your sex life. Linda was always very self consious of that and always talked to me about it. I think Linda and I had a unique relationship where we stived to maintain the "status quo" but never got uptight or threatened if it didn't work out occassionally. After all, I wasn't always there when she needed me.

The message to your husband is this: your life has changed forever, in the blink of an eye. You have a few options: you can refuse to accommodate your wife, you can cry in your soup, constantly if it makes you feel better, or you can trandscend all this image stuff and start living your wife as a person. Jesus, who gives a crap about 10 pounds???

I appologize as I have very little patience for supperficial love.

When Linda was diagnosed, the first conversation we had was about our relationship, not that she ever doubted my views and committement but we needed to bring it all to the table. We both vowed to make EVERYDAY count, like it were our last. That we succeeded.....not one wasted ay in almost 3 years. Linda vowed that she would get more from cancer than cancer took from her, meaning, when you face your own mortality, you are forced into introspection of the meaning of life, love and family. This was our triumph against this disease; where it could be other's tragedy.

I would kill to have the priveledge of being with my Linda for one more day or even a whole year, being in a comma, non-responsive and all, rather than missing her the way I do. Maybe this is getting too personal but; that is my message to the men who can't see the beauty they once married, the sweetness in the spoken word...just holding hands.

Guys, once it's gone...it's really gone, and I sure don't want anyone to regret unfinished business, or unresolved love.
Al