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mts · 03-21-2006, 01:52 PM

My daughter was 3 and son was 5 when I was told I had cancer 2 years ago. I lost my father in a car accident when I was 11 years old and was too young then to grasp the meaning of his death because no one ever talked about it to us before. I realize now, why my mom was so gung-ho about making as independent and self sufficient as possible. My children are not treated like adults, yet they are very well informed about cancer (more than most adults) and are aware that my cancer could come back. And if it does, we will do all we can to get rid of it. And, that it may make me die.

I do all I can to spend memory making times with them -since in the end, that is what they will cherish more than anything. Of course, I plan to be here until old age, but I am actually OK with the thought of them losing me.

Now, my daughter tells me that if I did die, she would name a new dog after me and that way I would be near her all the time. When I ask her what would happen if that dog died, she said she would get another!!! When I told her that dogs get fleas she then decided that she would not get a dog. She said maybe a dolphin in the sea... I actually take comfort in knowing she will be OK...as I was when I lost my father. I was at a school function with my son and while we waited for the program to begin, we picked out "ideal" mommies. Every person he picked had at least one of my characteristics... which told me he knows more about me than I thought. And isn't that what we want to memorialize in our children? How wonderful WE are?

Not to sound too clinical about it, but there are many children who have lost a parent... I know we all want to feel like we are indispensable to our loved ones, but children are much more resilient than we give them credit. We really have to trust in their ability to get through the hardship of losing a parent, otherwise we have not done our job.

The one good thing about cancer (if that is possible) is that it gives us time to make the most of what others take for granted -time. Letting a child know they are loved more than the moon... Talking to them about the facts of death is not wrong, just not conventional. But then, cancer makes it that way.

Maria

03-21-2006, 01:52 PM	#6
mts Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Central Florida Posts: 503	My daughter was 3 and son was 5 when I was told I had cancer 2 years ago. I lost my father in a car accident when I was 11 years old and was too young then to grasp the meaning of his death because no one ever talked about it to us before. I realize now, why my mom was so gung-ho about making as independent and self sufficient as possible. My children are not treated like adults, yet they are very well informed about cancer (more than most adults) and are aware that my cancer could come back. And if it does, we will do all we can to get rid of it. And, that it may make me die. I do all I can to spend memory making times with them -since in the end, that is what they will cherish more than anything. Of course, I plan to be here until old age, but I am actually OK with the thought of them losing me. Now, my daughter tells me that if I did die, she would name a new dog after me and that way I would be near her all the time. When I ask her what would happen if that dog died, she said she would get another!!! When I told her that dogs get fleas she then decided that she would not get a dog. She said maybe a dolphin in the sea... I actually take comfort in knowing she will be OK...as I was when I lost my father. I was at a school function with my son and while we waited for the program to begin, we picked out "ideal" mommies. Every person he picked had at least one of my characteristics... which told me he knows more about me than I thought. And isn't that what we want to memorialize in our children? How wonderful WE are? Not to sound too clinical about it, but there are many children who have lost a parent... I know we all want to feel like we are indispensable to our loved ones, but children are much more resilient than we give them credit. We really have to trust in their ability to get through the hardship of losing a parent, otherwise we have not done our job. The one good thing about cancer (if that is possible) is that it gives us time to make the most of what others take for granted -time. Letting a child know they are loved more than the moon... Talking to them about the facts of death is not wrong, just not conventional. But then, cancer makes it that way. Maria