[al from Canada]

I agree somewhat with Lisa BUT you did ask for feed-back.

Mine is simple:
1. in terms of content, is that what you really mean to say?
2. in terms of structure, are you communicating what you mean to say clearly enough
3. in terms of style, who is your audience and does the style communicate the message clearly enough, (ie, if the main audience was your young children, would they understand this?),
4. is the structure and style representative of you?

I think this is a very beautiful poem which is clearly autobiographical and I love the style. For most, these questions will be rhetorical, but not for all. Younger kids may need reinforcment that this is autobiographical.

What if you add 'I have" or "I have been" or "I have seen", or "I tried" or ...............every 1st, 2nd or 3rd verse???

I feel very uncomfortable reading a funeral poem as I can help but wonder if you have given-up or are you just one of these people (like my wife) who is already buying next year's christmas gifts. I pray it is the latter.

Take care,
Al