[Lyn]

Hi there, the big problem of the big C, any type,is that we really don't want to give into the disease and we beat ourselves up if we can't do everything we want to or should be doing, I am guilty of this and try to be a super human. You are the true friend, you have apologised, your friendship is unconditional, a bit more generous than I would have been, the thing is that none of us asked for this and as I get older and into this disease more, into my 8th year of continual treatment now, the people with self inflicted or trivial problems get under my skin. At first I had my family, friends, my estranged relatives, people I hadn't seen for years all appear at my bedside, in some way they were all there for me, but a couple because they wanted to feel better themselves should I die. I got a lot of continual support from close friends and relatives, but now after I have lost count of how many reoccurences I don't even tell many that I am in treatment yet again, I just get on with it, it is my way of life. I recently had an uninvited, unwanted relative overs stay, she complained for days, weeks that her breast was saw, I don't know how many times I told her to get it checked out until I just said, if you don't go and find out what it is, don't expect any sympathy from me I haven't any to give, I said this as I was rushing out to see my onc. She went, had tests, many appointments were dragged out, they had done tests and nothing came of it but she milked it for all it was worth. This is a mouthful, Her mother, my mother in law, who lives in New Zealand, I am in Australia, visited her niece Judy, her cousin in hospital a couple of weeks back, she is 42, 2 young girls, and she had a mastectomy and reconstruction, and she continued to tell Judy how poor Antonio (Ann to everyone else) was to see the doctors in December for a follow up, well she let fly and told her if there was anything to worry about she would be in hospital and having surgery like Lyn and Me, she has learnt early in this experience, Antonio only had a cyst anyway but she is revelling in the pity. The worst part of this is that I have a 15 year old daughter and BC is now on both parent's side. Got off track I know, a true friend stays by you through everything and doesn't expect anything in return and it is selfish to expect you to worry about her brother's indescretion with the law, we would all love to trade places with him and her if that was all they had to worry about. I don't know if it is the drugs but I do shock a few people these days in what I say, sometimes they tell me I am a bit harsh, but what can happen to me, that already hasn't, I have the big C, I am however a big believer in Karma so I don't overstep the boundaries, you need to be around cheerful people, not people who want to drain what energy you have, this is needed for the battles you have to endure yourself, and I bet there is someone out there reading your post who isn't far away and would like to physically hold your hand as well and help you through this.


Love & big Hugs Lyn.