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Dearest Joy,
I very clearly remember the terrible feeling I had when my onc nurse informed me of my new lung lesions. That happened very recently, like 2 weeks ago or last week. (I tend to lose track of time very easily nowadays.) Anyway, I also recall that as soon as my shoulders dropped and my heart went beating faster, I was like, AAGGHHH!! :-( Right there, I just told myself to try to be calm -- "come on, listen up & be calm!" I was saying to myself -- and take deep breaths. "Deep breath, deep breath, and more deep breaths!" Then I decided to hold a self-talk session for a better time, like when I got home from the appt. I just didn't want to fall apart at the clinic, especially when I had to go upstairs for my weekly Herceptin.
Well, after I got home, I was basically beating up myself over this. Then I was like, OK I am allowing myself to wallow on my own time, but then what do I HAVE to do, when I am done feeling sorry for myself???? Alrighty, cancer has ALREADY happened -- OK, this really SUCKS!! -- and I simply cannot turn back the clock. I decided to put on my fighting gloves and take little baby steps FORWARD as I go along...
I hate it when we get lousy scan reports! :-( Well, Joy, you are definitely NOT alone in this; my heart aches for you. We are all in together with you. I just know that you have portrayed inner strength & happiness in your past posts, so you will EVENTUALLY feel better about it.
Hang in there, kiddo!!! Yea, this is so very disheartening, but your doctors are already taking good care of you.
Sending positive energy your way & you are in my thoughts. Hugs ~ JO.
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