Shannon, I can so much relate to your thoughts emotions that I could have written it myself.
I don't know if my response will be helpful to you, but I'll try. I am not a long time survivor, but a very happy survivor. I was diagnosed in 9/02 -- stage 2B with 1/12 positive lymph node. I was faithful in having my mammograms done every year starting at age 37 and at 42 they noticed increased calcifications but said "nothing to worry about". 6 months later I found a lump in my right breast in the shower. I also had a lumpectomy and a port installed. Received AC and then Taxol every week for 12 weeks, 38 radiation treatments and 52 weeks of Herceptin. My oncologist says the same thing "you've received the most aggressive treatment and there's nothing else we can do at this point". You too are receiving the best of treatments. He does not believe in scans, etc., he'd rather wait for any signs of symptoms. I'm ok with this as I don't believe it would make much difference if it happens to recur and we begin another regimen of treatment. In other words, I'm prepared that there could be a recurrence and will deal with it appropriately when the symptoms appear -- I am attuned to my body and watch for symptoms. I have improved my diet greatly, eat lots of fruits and vegetables (some organic), lots of fish (love sushi) little organic meats, and little organic dairy (milk and yogurt).
Other than this board, there is only 1 other person that I know personally (it is now 4 years later and she is doing well) that has been diagnosed HER2neu+ and therefor no one to really talk to on this subject. But I also feel that even if I were not Her2neu+ that my chances of recurrence would still be there.
It has been 2 years now and so far so good! As time goes by I continue to get less fearful. I think that because you are in the midst of treatment that you are constantly reminded of the cancer as well as not feeling well (I found the Taxol to be more taxing to my body than the AC -- uuuugh) and you too will feel more positive and strong when your treatment ends.
As you said, it takes a strong person to deal with tough times and difficult choices. And you are a strong person. There is a saying "People are like tea bags. You find out how strong they are when you put them in hot water". So, keep the faith, you are absolutely doing all the right things. Please try not to think of the "what if's" (I call it stinken thinken - ha ha) as they can drive you bonkers.
If you'd like to e-mail me, my address is
tlg1051@aol.com
Take good care and I wish you positive thoughts.