HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post - Approaching 5 yr cancerversary but running out of options

Andrea Barnett Budin · 01-10-2016, 05:08 PM

Dear Yanyan,

We spoke by email just before you went into the hospital, when you returned from China and the immunotherapy. We talked about Karen of course. She passed just after our last communication.

I know your journey has been beyond challenging. You have faced it all with grace and determination. You are a remarkable Soul! And here you are with a jagged mountain before you, after all you've endured. We all think we'd never give up, never give in, yet I can see how something deep within us may tell us things have changed. If that voice is telling you to live each day with joy as best you can, share love with those closest to you and know how cherished you are, I fully respect that position. Unimaginable that you should be at such a crossroad.

As all have said, there is no wrong decision. You must do what your heart tells you. You deserve to stop burdening your body, yet we all want you to live and become a miracle. I believe no matter what, the strength and courage you've faced it all is truly amazing. You are a radiant Spirit, much admired. I have been thinking of you and just came on the site to see if you posted. You didn't answer my email from the other day. And you always do.
I am officially worried.

Personally, I can't let you go. But I respect whatever you decide is right for you in this moment. I want you to breathe without burden. I know your family is around you and doing all they can to keep you immersed in love. I add mine, along with prayers and healing Light.

A gentle but firm hug to you, sweet Yanyan, across the country... Andi

01-10-2016, 05:08 PM	#22
Andrea Barnett Budin Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: LAND OF YES! w/home in Boca Raton, Florida Orig from L.I., N.Y. Ever hovering IN THE NOW... Posts: 1,904	Re: Approaching 5 yr cancerversary but running out of options Dear Yanyan, We spoke by email just before you went into the hospital, when you returned from China and the immunotherapy. We talked about Karen of course. She passed just after our last communication. I know your journey has been beyond challenging. You have faced it all with grace and determination. You are a remarkable Soul! And here you are with a jagged mountain before you, after all you've endured. We all think we'd never give up, never give in, yet I can see how something deep within us may tell us things have changed. If that voice is telling you to live each day with joy as best you can, share love with those closest to you and know how cherished you are, I fully respect that position. Unimaginable that you should be at such a crossroad. As all have said, there is no wrong decision. You must do what your heart tells you. You deserve to stop burdening your body, yet we all want you to live and become a miracle. I believe no matter what, the strength and courage you've faced it all is truly amazing. You are a radiant Spirit, much admired. I have been thinking of you and just came on the site to see if you posted. You didn't answer my email from the other day. And you always do. I am officially worried. Personally, I can't let you go. But I respect whatever you decide is right for you in this moment. I want you to breathe without burden. I know your family is around you and doing all they can to keep you immersed in love. I add mine, along with prayers and healing Light. A gentle but firm hug to you, sweet Yanyan, across the country... Andi __________________ Andi BB '95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive... '98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!) + good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either... Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...