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JessicaV · 07-31-2015, 06:12 PM

Forgive the rant I am posting here, but I am just feeling really stressed, low and exhausted.

In an argument over a confusion about plans for getting takeaways, I said "So who has been upset and messed around most by this problem", and my husband replied "And who's got cancer then?"

He then went on to say that I use the cancer card a lot in inappropriate ways, eg telling the man who cut off the gas without warning that I need my hotwater to stay connected because I am not too well because I am recovering from cancer treatment. And like accepting the wheelchair offered by the airline when I only asked for priority boarding(I was boarding a 4hr flight alone in the evening and utterly exhausted beyond belief and they could see it and I couldn't). And like asking him to take me out for dinner because we had no gas to cook with and I was still recovering from my late flight. Takeaways from 2 different places were his choice and I was too tired to argue further.

I still have severe cognitive and physical fatigue, but my doctor has insisted that I should work two days a week in my really exhausting job (though normally I love it) ie as a psychologist, because this is the back-to-work programme she told the insurance company was in place. So I am too tired to do any of the things I used to do to manage the fatigue, like meditation, pottery class, morning drawing, etc. And our finances are at a point where costs come out of our offset account so the mortgage goes up but a man will get away with $1500 unless I fight for it. Any income I make reduces the small amount of insurance I get paid. And I am in the middle of a once-only training that is very important to me, yet arduous and some of the people are really difficult, and I have to do a return 4 or 5 hour flight each month. And the backyard is getting really overgrown with blackberry and may start to house snakes from the wild reserve next door if I don't clear it (and this is my job because it is my garden)

I have a lovely daughter who walks with me almost every day who says she is worried about how much more fatigued I am now I am working again, that I take things to heart because of it, and she thinks I should be asking for more help because of my cancer-related fatigue, not less, and that I am not being manipulative. She does tell me painful truths when she needs to so I don't think she is just being nice.

I don't like being judged my my husband and told I am lying about the ongoing impact of my treatment. I really am close to breaking point. I am trying to make him understand but he sticks to his view. It seems that he doesn't see me or understand me at all. And what he does see is a somewhat despicable, manipulative person. Which feels like he is adding insult to injury.

How do you cope with this level of fatigue and still have a job, relationship, cope with the gas being cutoff, people billing you for $1100 with no cause, etc. It is not really a question of is it valid to use the cancer card, it is a question of how do I get through the next day. Please advise. I think some of you get it.

07-31-2015, 06:12 PM	#1
JessicaV Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2014 Posts: 206	Fatigue, and the Cancer Card. Forgive the rant I am posting here, but I am just feeling really stressed, low and exhausted. In an argument over a confusion about plans for getting takeaways, I said "So who has been upset and messed around most by this problem", and my husband replied "And who's got cancer then?" He then went on to say that I use the cancer card a lot in inappropriate ways, eg telling the man who cut off the gas without warning that I need my hotwater to stay connected because I am not too well because I am recovering from cancer treatment. And like accepting the wheelchair offered by the airline when I only asked for priority boarding(I was boarding a 4hr flight alone in the evening and utterly exhausted beyond belief and they could see it and I couldn't). And like asking him to take me out for dinner because we had no gas to cook with and I was still recovering from my late flight. Takeaways from 2 different places were his choice and I was too tired to argue further. I still have severe cognitive and physical fatigue, but my doctor has insisted that I should work two days a week in my really exhausting job (though normally I love it) ie as a psychologist, because this is the back-to-work programme she told the insurance company was in place. So I am too tired to do any of the things I used to do to manage the fatigue, like meditation, pottery class, morning drawing, etc. And our finances are at a point where costs come out of our offset account so the mortgage goes up but a man will get away with $1500 unless I fight for it. Any income I make reduces the small amount of insurance I get paid. And I am in the middle of a once-only training that is very important to me, yet arduous and some of the people are really difficult, and I have to do a return 4 or 5 hour flight each month. And the backyard is getting really overgrown with blackberry and may start to house snakes from the wild reserve next door if I don't clear it (and this is my job because it is my garden) I have a lovely daughter who walks with me almost every day who says she is worried about how much more fatigued I am now I am working again, that I take things to heart because of it, and she thinks I should be asking for more help because of my cancer-related fatigue, not less, and that I am not being manipulative. She does tell me painful truths when she needs to so I don't think she is just being nice. I don't like being judged my my husband and told I am lying about the ongoing impact of my treatment. I really am close to breaking point. I am trying to make him understand but he sticks to his view. It seems that he doesn't see me or understand me at all. And what he does see is a somewhat despicable, manipulative person. Which feels like he is adding insult to injury. How do you cope with this level of fatigue and still have a job, relationship, cope with the gas being cutoff, people billing you for $1100 with no cause, etc. It is not really a question of is it valid to use the cancer card, it is a question of how do I get through the next day. Please advise. I think some of you get it. __________________ 1997-2004 many cysts, many MG & U/S: polycystic breasts. Sept 2013 found lump,Cyst?? forgot lump. Dec 2013 GP check, Referred for U/S, MG,FNA. 7 Jan 2014 Radiology: Radiologist turned screen away from me. When asked she said "Not a cyst, very suspicious.See your GP asa results avail." Cancelled my psych clients for the week. 8 Jan 14 GP: 2.2cm IDC in 6cm DCIS field. FNA=malignant cells. Referred to Surgeon. Cancelled my psych clients for the month. 13 Jan 14 Surgeon said L mastectomy not lumpectomy, offered neoadjunctive trial, agreed adjunctive chemo after surgery a good choice for me. Booked Body scan and bone scan for staging (both fine) Surgery for16 Jan, 16 Jan 14 Surgeon also agreed in preop meeting to also remove 6cm fatty cyst in job lot. Good job done. 19 Jan 14 discharged home with 1 drain. 22 Jan 14 drain partly pulled out overnight, serious seroma (600 ml reducing removed every 2 days for a month) Serious staph infection because nurse said wait 3 days for yr surgeon appointment. 26Jan 14 pathology: 2.2cm Grade 3(3,3,2)ER-, PgR-, HER2+2 so to be confirmed by Sish test. Node negative. No vascular or lymphatic involvement. No metastases in scans. 30 Jan 14 HER2+ high amplification, 13 gene copies per cell. 21st Feb 14 Began 3wkly TCH adjuvant treatment at The Mount Hospital Perth, with 3monthly MUGA heart tests +Oncologist or Surgeon full physical check-up. Cancelled my psych clients for 6 months. Feb 14 First MUGA test: 71%, First C15.3 test: 20 7th March 14 began Neulasta self-applied injections 24hrs after each TCH treatment. Bonepain helped by spa, heatpacks and Claritin, reflux/indigestion helped by Somac. July 14 completed docetaxol and carboplatin, ongoing herceptin to 12 months. Severe cognitive deficit/fatigue after 1pm daily. Sept 14 Second MUGA test: 69% Cancelled my psych clients for 2014 Dec 14 Third MUGA test: 70% Second C15.3 test : 20 Cognitive fatigue delays return to work. March 2015 Tachycardia pulse 168, night in hospital. Cardiologist says no heart disease, ALIVE ECG attachment for my mobile phone now regular monitoring. July 2015 Worktrial, up to 8hrs per wk. Fatigue ongoing Aug 2015 Heart good, no evidence of cancer, just Fatigue. May 2019 Melanoma 1.5cm Stage 1 by right collarbone(was present as large freckle in 2014 and cut through by breast surgeon to remove fatty cyst at same time as mastectomy.) Melanoma removed leaving scar from shoulder to breastbone. In hospital twice for IV antibiotics. Told catagorically this could not be BC mets. Dec 2019 Still NED, still fatigue in late afternoon, but have my brain back in the early mornings. So most days I watch the sunrise and hear the birds morning chorus in my bush backyard and am glad to be alive and to be me still.