[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I think, we're not so hard on ourselves -- the voice in our head is! You'll never be able to do this or that. You will fail. I (IT) doesn't have a good feeling about this or that. That voice taunts and torments us. And we listen. Cause we MISIDENTIFY OURSELVES.

WE THINK WE ARE OUR MIND. WHEREAS WE ARE A RADIANT SPIRIT FULL OF EONS OF WISDOM, EMPOWERED WITH OUR CHOSEN THOUGHTS.

WE'RE EACH A SPIRIT -- WITH A MIND AND A BODY. SO WE CAN HAVE OUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE. AND LEARN BY FEELING EMOTIONS WHICH CAN BE DOWNRIGHT CRUSHING!

THEY CAN RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD DAY. Until we learn to take charge! That happens when we evolve to the point of being able to align ourselves with the sacred entity within us -- OUR SPIRIT OR SOUL. As we do we begin to feel our ONENESS with All That Is and All Who Are.

That alone makes us feel joyful. And serene. Full of Universal Love, empathy, a calmness rare to find.

Many say next time they want to come back as their pets. They just naturally seem to live in The Present Moment. They love unconditionally and we love them unconditionally. They are quick to forgive and forget. They comfort us when they sense we most need it. And we cherish and care for them.

But we must also pay attention to "our" needs. If "we're" not taken care of we become depleted. We just have so little left to give!!

My kitchen has been officially closed for decades. I no longer cook. I hate to cook. I did make brisket for Passover, as it is a tradition in our family and a food I am actually requested to make. My cranberry relish and my turkey stuffing are also favs it seems. But otherwise, I am not a very good chef. It makes a mess and I hate to clean it all up after working so hard. I put my heart and soul into what I try to create, and it's exhausting. Sometimes not appreciated. I'm make good scrambled eggs and french toast. Not much more.

When my husband asks, as he does every single night, what are you making for dinner (it is his little joke), I ask him what he is making. He's retired!! We can take turns. No??? I am never amused by his nightly prodding. But, I still don't cave.

Once in past months I made roasted chicken covered with onions, cause I had it at a restaurant and loved it so much, as did my husband. I thought, that's easy enough to season and through in a pan. And so I did. Cause I felt like it...

My husband in many ways would like to be married to a 1950s woman who is dedicated to catering to him. I love him, for 49 yrs, but I'm not cooking. Just how it is. I do take on a womanly role in many other ways... Because it pleases me to do so. Knowing he takes care of me in so many ways over so many decades.

For yrs, I didn't cook b/c I was working on my book. Too drained to think anymore... Now, I'm just so darn wonderfully busy, doing my things. Mentoring, sharing, inspiring, and yes, still working on my book. Checking in with FB and HER 2 and my e's and sending bday cards, anniv cards, condolence cards, caring for my 3 beloved pups.

I am always ready with an assortment of places to eat at (covering a wide array of pricing from sandwich at the local deli to early bird specials at some of our favorite places). If I mention Chinese -- my husband's face lights up. I save that one in my back pocket...

I have wine at home to keep the dinner bill down. Annoying but it's my "sacrifice". LOL...

If you feel like a swim in the pool, if that's what you're hankering for -- I say go do it. Indulge. Be good to you!

Julie, I love your words. And I am sorry you have such a hard time coping with the aftermath of bc tx. It's common, if that's any comfort. It just is.

I tell myself, you're a grown woman, a Warrior extraordinaire, a hard worker, a loving companion full of interesting conversation. You needn't justify your desires at this point in your life. I offer each of you, my Sisters, the same advice...

I don't know how some women do it all. But I do know some pp NEED to keep moving at all times. It's how they are. It's simply not how I am. I like quiet time. Time to myself. Time to write. Time to be... To ponder and meditate and emerge with refreshed perspectives!! That's what works for me.

I love who I am. I love who you are, Julie. I really love all my Sisters. I admire you all and am constantly awed by you in fact...

You are doing a fabulous job being YOU. You are alert and strong, brave and determined and you need to love the person you are, the person you truly are more than you do! Stop beating yourself up, please.

Drop the guilt trips. The poor me. The overachieving urges. BE.

Survivor's guilt is a real thing. I genuinely mourn each of the losses I have sustained, Sisters who have had to stop fighting. I KNOW they have passed on to another realm of being. I miss them with all my heart. I still love them, but I also know THEY STILL ARE... Death is not the end of our story!

And we are still here b/c we are meant to be. B/c we have things we still need to accomplish, in accordance with our contract with the Universe, which we made knowingly before we agreed to this lifetime. I grieve the loss of each and every one, some astonishing deeply, but I do not feel any guilt for surviving. Guilt is a waste of energy. No place for a person to dwell. It's a useless emotion. It serves no purpose. Whereas YOU can and do serve many purposes!

So we have to get over ourselves, I suppose.

Let the I AM within you take charge of your destiny and help you determine your actions... Know that your Spirit is with you to guide you, protect you, nurture you, love you, help you to grow and evolve with every moment. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!

Teachers and Guides surround you. We're each empowered...

Love,
ANDI