[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I honestly think that it's through suffering that we feel most formed. The phrase, "the awful grace of God" has always touched me deeply. It's when we're dragged kicking and screaming that we grow and evolve the most. (Or, we can become bitter, blaming, angry, lost and confused...)

We become deeper and more compassionate as human beings through our suffering. We're taken beyond the routines of life and find we're so much more than we ever thought, I discovered to my surprise. We're stronger and braver than we imagined we'd find! We never would have believed it before!

Facing cancer, the surgeries, the treatments, the potentialities of it all -- is a major ordeal! When treatments end (and for me I mean after 10 yrs of Herceptin, plus all the rest -- you can read my signature) we seem to feel as if we're flapping in the wind. Unprotected. Not so much free as left treading water as fast as we can to stay afloat.

We experience something akin to those suffering from POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER! It's that simple or that traumatic to be more accurate!!


We somehow need to pull ourselves up out of the deep end and try to embrace each day as a glorious gift. That alone is a huge challenge.

I needed an anti-d throughout it all and still. It helps me feel more like "me". The me I truly am, or want to be. At night I need various sleeping aids or I'll be walking the halls till 5 A.M. That's not good! Sleep is essential to healing, repairing and our general wellness, physically and emotionally.

Before cancer I rarely saw a doctor. I didn't "believe" in taking pills. During tx my fav onc told me to take pain relievers, anti-nausea medications, etc. at the first sign of the problem. (I would always wait, thinking it would magically go away.) No! Get out in front of it. My onc told me, That's why we give you these meds! THERE'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO SUFFER NEEDLESSLY! And, I followed his lead.

Daily MEDITATION is also vital -- to give my brain and my body a much needed break! It's incredibly relaxing. I let my Spirit lead my body and my mind to rest in an amazingly blissful state! It's a divine process I treasure.

As we participate in responding to the physical and/or psychic pain, we consciously choose to respond rather than react! I'm a reactor for sure. OH MY GOD. The panic and fear come flooding in. I have to take charge or I get swept away in all those emotions which is a horrid thing to do to myself I now realize.

As I struggled to keep afloat, I sought to be a role model for my daughters -- while facing any adversity in life. Lord knows we all have something mountainous we must trudge over or through! I wanted to arm my children well. And that endeavor served to elevate my task and helped inspire me. The more you give the more you receive is for real!

I felt a part of a sacred journey. I began to see the signs in Life as Messages from the Universe, tucked away in hidden corners. I search for them each day. Life is a treasure hunt. I see obstacles as opportunities (after I stop reacting to each aggravating frustration that naturally pops up all day every day). I see each sunrise as a promise of better days.

We come out of the cancer experience not the same, changed, different. So, I think we need to pamper and nurture ourselves daily. That includes my meditation, the taking of my ridiculously many supplements which are difficult to swallow one at a time, difficult to organize for the week, for the month, and yes costly to purchase. But I believe each is a part of the recipe for prevailing in this venture with every fiber of my being!

Nurturing includes hydrating (8-10 glasses of water a day), taking my prescription meds, seeing all the docs and keeping on top of it all. Keeping copies of all my blood work and every report, for MY records and purposes of careful scrutinizing -- cause no body loves me more than me! And no doc has the time to devote to analyze all my info. I don't take it personally. I just determined long ago to personally participate in my own wellness!

Nurturing includes getting up, getting dressed (makeup, hair, earrings for sure), putting a smile on my face and getting moving. It means eating reasonably well.

At the same time, nurturing means giving of myself with love and generosity of Spirit every day. Being considerate, trying to understand, be tolerant and kind. To try my darnedest not to judge. And most definitely it includes being grateful! I look up and say THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE every single day!!


I believe we need to pour ourselves into helping others and doing what enlivens us, whatever that may be, with zeal and passion.

I'm blessed to be surrounded by lush greenery, flowers and their riot of colors (I love colors!). I am thankful for the multitude of sunshine, lakes, fountains, wind chimes, magnificent blue skies I live amongst. I revel in each lovely frond of each tree as it waves to me in the breeze. I watch the moon every night, and I know it sees me.

I feel connected to it All. I feel my Oneness with every living being and All That Is.

So be good to yourselves, Ladies! Be patient with yourselves. Don't judge yourself so harshly. Be your own best friend. Treat yourself with the love you'd offer your best friend. TAKE GOOD CARE OF "YOU"!!! Always thinking of all of you...

With my love,

Andi