[Aussie Girl]

I'm so sorry Linn,

This isn't my situation but I have a friend with similar anger and bitterness. Try to find a friend or counselor to work through this - It's tough stuff and you may need a professional who can weather the storm with you. It will help to build up the other parts of your life, discover your strengths, what makes you happy, and being around people who build you up.

You have to deeply believe that you are a worthwhile lovable person, before the sense of abandonment, injustice, anger and jealousy diminish. A long journey to be made.

You may need to look back to other relationships. For my friend, it harked back to her mother who had depression and a bad marriage and never "clicked" with her first daughter. The mother favoured some of the other children, so that sense of injustice can sometimes go a long way back.

You may be able to develop your relationship with your son using phone calls and internet as well as (Dad-free) face to face time, so you feel confident that connection is lasting and strong direct bond between you. Don't visualise it as a tug of war between your ex and you with him in the middle.

Take care

Aussie Girl