[Aussie Girl]

Thanks to Cat for starting this thread and to all you others for answering.

I have had a few down times in this, my 4th TCH cycle. I think I shed tears each time a neutrophil explodes or something. (I think the white cells are coming back now.)

So I started nagging my 15 year old daughter, who doesn't want to grow up, I think. She lurks in her room and hopes that if she takes long enough to do anything, someone else will get impatient and do what ever needs to be done for her and meals and clean laundry will miraculously appear. She claims to know how to cook and clean and look after herself, but shows little evidence. You know how it is with teenagers. I think I was pretty useless for a while at that age.

Then after the shouting, I go back to my room and burst into tears because it's not really about her current behavior at all. It is about my fear that in a year or three, when she's about to go out in the world and truly needs and is motivated to learn these life skills properly, I might not be around to teach her (or to tell her I told you so).

That stuff is always lurking in the back of your mind. The front of my brain knows that my Stage 2a cancer has a fair chance of cure, but the shadow is still there. For others in this group, the shadow is much bigger or closer or a constant presence.

It's my feeling that the shadow has to come out to the daylight to do its horrid little dance to the sound of our wailing from time to time. When it's finished we can say "Well, nice to see you again, I suppose, but you'll have to go now because I've got better things to do with my time right now."

And today, I watched and laughed at strange Japanese anime cartoons with my daughter and she managed to finish her English essay without being told to and we have peace.

Aussie Girl