[Andrea Barnett Budin]

2 women who were very very close to me have passed. Myrna sat beside me in the chemo room for 5 yrs. we'd chat, of course. Her husband would always accompany her and would mine (Paul). It was great. The men talked, both experiencing such similar feelings. Myrna's husband adored her. The 4 of us would go for dinners. We were perfect together.

Sue was like a sister to me. Our bond, our love for one another was extraordinary. When my nails turned black and were lifting off the nailbeds (on Taxotere) after all I'd been through, I told Sue and she was so upset. I told her, it's okay. It's slightly painful but not really. I'm putting dark red nail polish on (to cover), and not wearing my rings (so as not to draw attention). Sue still felt it was the final straw. Unacceptable. She wished she could take her nails off (she had no use for them as she had been basically bedridden for yrs). She wished she could put them in a envelope and mail them to me. Her love never failed to make me feel better, no matter what. She would always say she was ready to die, but that I was different. I was going to be fine!!! She was emphatic about that.

Sue's husband was so in love with her, so devoted to her, it was a beautiful thing to observe. They laughed together, spent every day with one another, no matter what, where she went (doc's appts, tx, so on -- he was right by her side).

Each of these men shortly after their wives passed on, began seeing someone. Neither would tell me for over a yr. They didn't want to upset me, or offend me.

I was secure in the knowledge that they were each the very best husband any woman could wish for! Without question! I asked Paul why he thought they were so hesitant to admit this reality to me. I honestly was delighted that they were able to move on, had found someone who made them feel young and alive and they were living their lives as any one of us would wish our beloveds -- happily.

Don't take this man's actions personally. Hard as it is not to...

You, Karen, having a young child, worry so much more than I did. My dghtrs were grown. Still, our children remain our babies till they are old and gray and we are bit bent... Your husband, Karen, has been a prince in your life, and will stand by you always. You know that. He honors you and loves you. And, you're right, tomorrow... It is promised to no one. So don't focus on what might be...

I've often heard stories of women grooming their husbands for "the next one". How to pick the right one. What not to be misled by. I have found myself telling Paul, If you were on a date and did that, I would never go out with you again. Sending a subtle )) message, just in case. I must admit the thought does graze my mind for a few seconds here and there. I tell Paul, when I'm gone, whatever... And he insists he will be gone first. And then we laugh.

Live your life for today, I say. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Don't look too far down the road because you'll become overwhelmed with emotions. It's just too much to handle. Baby steps.

And yet, I use guided imagery, and vividly see myself far, far into the future, to send a message to my body, and to the Universe, that it is my clear Intention to be here!

I love you, Karen. You know that...

I know Sue and Myrna are at peace and must be elated to see how truly happy their husbands are now. In time, they will be together again, as I have no doubt it is meant to be. These were 2 strong women with husbands that could not have been more loving.

Andi