[Mtngrl]

Pamelamary, 'Lizbeth, Debbie, Denise, Vballmom, and all,

Thank you for an interesting discussion. I do want to chime in.

Stage IV is an elephant in the room, and it does rain on all the happy talk about early detection and "winning." But cause marketing is more about marketing than the cause, in our society we do whatever it takes to keep the big corporations dribbling out little philanthropic pittances, often to supposedly solve problems they caused in the first place. Cure is good, but prevention is far better. I personally want to live as long as I can, so I hope they do keep coming up with new drugs for people like me, but what I really want is accountability and meaningful action to stop what's causing this stinkin' epidemic, especially in young women.

Here's something we haven't covered yet: As a person who was Stage IV at diagnosis, I feel I have a mission to tell everyone, not just people diagnosed with cancer, that we are not in a dress rehearsal and no one gets out alive, and I think I should model that. My goal cannot possibly be "live forever and never die of anything" because, well, it's impossible. So if I'm not trying to rack up as many years as possible (why? To get my picture in the paper on my 121st birthday?) then it's a good idea to put some thought into what, for me, constitutes a life well lived. Then live it. Starting now.

Finally, people just naturally love to know their odds, but aren't there a whole lot of things we just do because we must? Divorce rate of 50%? Why would anyone bother getting married? But we do. Chances of dying in a car accident? Lower than they were, but still pretty darn high, yet we voluntarily climb into those death traps and speed down the road. So the question is, if you knew exactly what the right number was for progression to Stage IV for people with HER-2 positive breast cancer, would that change anything? If so, then that's the really interesting question. If bad odds would convince you to have a better, fuller, more satisfying and meaningful life in the time you have left, then I suggest you should be doing that anyway. After all, your individual odds of living forever are zero.

Reminds me of something Edward Abbey said about those "I'd rather be fishing" bumper stickers. He said if he were living that compromised an existence he'd be ashamed to advertise it. Good Lord, if you'd rather be fishing than just go do it.

And, just as an aside, I agree that five year survival statistics are close to useless. Also, I have known since soon after I was diagnosed that SEER doesn't track progression to Stage IV. That's probably because I was extra specially interested in Stage IV, under the circumstances.