[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Okay, Neddy. You never fail to make me literally laugh out loud, shoulders shaking! You delight me!

I have friends who don't tell/can't talk about illness -- yours, theirs, any... TMI... That's how they are. I accept it. I wish it were different but I understand. Those who don't understand your silence till now are just like my friend distraught over the loss of her hairdresser, when I have just lost a breast and am fighting 4th stage bc IMHO. It is not all about them. And you, and I, are better off without such self-involved brats. Frankly, when we moved and I no longer had a pool in my backyard, certain friends stopped calling/disowned me. Really? Okay then... Onward and upward.

The mouth guard story is kind of boring, but I will tell. We moved the bed, the 1,000 lb night stands, we crawled on our knees with flashlights looking EVERYWHERE. At 4:30 AM I heard a noise and it was my husband clanging the toilet brush in its holder, still looking... We checked the backyard in case our newest rescue/furry baby who loves to dig, took his prize and tried to bury it. (He does go around the house and collect all his toys and pile them up in his little doggy bed in the center hall.)

We searched allll day and night Monday and Tuesday. By Wednesday I was only semi looking. A bit less frantic. I keep a 6 pack of toilet paper in my armoire in the MBR. I MUST have a SPARE roll of paper at all times (IBS is a major issue.) On Wednesday I went to put a new spare in the bathroom. I always take the plastic wrapping and put it by the door to the garage from the laundry room. (As I do with tissue boxes and Bounty wrappings -- a signal to my husband to bring in whatever, which he hordes on high shelves in the garage. He's 6' 1", I'm 5' 2".)

On Wednesday I took the spare roll of toilet paper to put in the bathroom and noted I had only 1 more roll to go in the Armoire. So I put 1 in the bathroom and moved the 1 in the Armoire, taking the wrapping and placing it by the door to the garage.

Am I boring you yet? I hear Paul call, What is this?! You want a 6 pack of toilet paper?! I moved it. Now you can get your own." However my DH did bring in a 6 pack and put it on the floor on top of the wrapper.

I was in a hurry. I called, Thank you, picked up the 6 pack and put it on the dryer top. I even took the wrapper and put it there too, not wanting to take the time to put it in the garbage can. I hate being late! When I put the wrapper on the dryer I heard a noise. Like keys clanging. What the...???? I investigated. I felt all around, seeing nothing! AND IN THE TOILET PAPER WRAPPER WAS MY CLEAR PLASTIC MOUTHGUARD!!!

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS...!!!!, I shouted to my husband who was in the kitchen. He knew right off. I had found it.

I reasoned that since my last thought in the middle of the night was that my mouth guard (having been worn for many hrs) was getting uncomfortable). Since I was peeing, I determined that I would wait till I returned to my bed, and place it in its holder for safe keeping. I am very careful re my precious mouth guard (costing about $1,000 and I cannot sleep without it). I don't just put it down anywhere.

Apparently I also noted that I needed a new spare roll of toilet paper. I must have taken my guard out with my left hand and opened the armoire door w/my right. I figured I would reached for a roll w/my right, but had difficulty dislodging it from the wrapper, and MINDLESSLY used my left hand to help -- not remembering I was holding something in that hand, and letting it slip from my hand into the wrapper.

In the morning, I went to take my guard and its holder to the bathroom for brushing. The holder was empty! Hence the crazed search.

We even looked in the bed, shook out all 7 pillows, looked between the mattress and the board -- about 18 x...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I've been walking on air ever since. So thrilled with my accidental discovery.

I didn't mention that about mid afternoon on Monday I decided to look for my SPARE mouth guard (which my dentist volunteered to make last July at the same time, for the same price). It's in a kelly green plastic fist sized container. I've thoroughly emptied and rearranged 15 large drawers in the bathroom. Found the rubber temporary in a tupperware container. Removed and looked behind every drawer -- twice. IF YOU FIND MY GREEN CONTAINER, PLEASE EMAIL ME...

I couldn't let Denise, and goodness knows how many more, lose sleep over the big mystery....

BTW -- Mary Jo, monochromatic has its' charm for sure!

Andi

P.S. Having told my body every single day at least 3 x -- healthy and well, no more cancer -- for 15 yrs, I feel certain this mass mess is benign. Seeing surgeon on Monday. Apparently can't needle biopsy this as w/my liver I'm told. That's more than disappointing. But a biopsy must be taken when you're 4th stage blah blah... It's the responsible thing to do. It's the "right" thing to do. (Dad would be proud.) Still !&$#* -- don't you hate when that happens???