[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Ah NEDenise, I love vibrating in synchronicity with you.

Positive people bring their energy and contribute it to all the come in contact with, spreading joy. And then there are the energy suckers who suck the life out of us on the spot.

There is a strategy to insulate yourself and block that, but I am forgetting at the moment where I learned that or what the process is.

Which is important because other than not hanging with the negative and/or energy suckers (if I'm stuck momentarily w/them) I become very quiet. Which as you can only imagine, is totally uncharacteristic for me!

And as you say Neddy, "with the joy goes the healing, the health"!

We were given life, blessed with an awesome gift, and we were also given a birthright. That is THE POWER OF CHOICE. We need to claim that, along with our personal responsibility for what we do, how we act, what we say...

We can be taught one way, we can adopt certain ways, and we can, if so choose, to consciously act in a better way. We hopefully learn from our mistakes (beyond apologizing or rationalizing our ways and actions). We are meant to continue to evolve. To contribute to the ongoing evolution of the world.

Our energy (the energy of our words, actions and even thoughts) go out with a rippling effect. We are each absolutely necessary to the Universal Consciousness that permeates all of our lives...

I got some suspicious results yesterday from my CT scans. I could panic, but I've chosen to LET IT PLAY OUT. I'll go for blood work on Monday. Maybe have an additional test (when my onc returns from his educational foray). I've moved my mid July ev 6 mnth appt up to maybe June 23, earlier if there's an opening.

"I" am the controlling the urge to let my imagination run wild. I am smiling. Spending some time quietly. Being still at my core. Choosing not to freak. Tempting, but not in my best interest.

I am seeing some positive midst the new news, I am making jokes (cause the area in question in the abdomen which I've noted seems to have -- at the age of 68 -- gathered fat from all other areas such as thighs, defying gravity, and moved to said area. I have bulges where I didn't before. The tram flap reconstruction left a bit of an unsightly mess to begin with.) I'm going with the insulting gravitation with humor and yes even laughter.

The negative people, who btw are also amazingly unappreciative of all you have given of yourself to them and who though they say, I'm here for you, call me anytime (i.e. @ dx in '95) when I called, they were simultaneously carrying on a conversation w/their husband, dghtr, the dog -- even though I began w/"this is really important". This happened w/2 really good friends. Hmmm. 1 came to visit me in the hospital after my mastec and had a sour look on her face, cause she'd just found out that her hairdresser who was going to do her hair the day of her step dghtr's wedding (in 3 wks) wouldn't be able to be there. Seriously. It was all she and her husband could talk about during their hosp visit...

So without fuss, I simply stopped contact w/these pp who were like family. I was midst fighting for my life. If you can't be there for a dear friend at such a time, I'm good with never seeing or speaking to them again. You just don't need that kind of "friend".

For my health and well-being, for my family and much loved friend who are there fort me, I talk and hug and laugh and smile and deal one day at a time.

It's my belief that we're all here to help one another. To be there for one another. That's why I talk to every friend of a friend who is sent to me and was recently dx and feeling low and lost. I drop everything and spend how ever long it takes to talk to them. Then to e them. That's why I post on this wonderful site.

We're here not just to tolerate one another, but to love and support one another. To celebrate one another!

As for my present situation, I am waiting till I have a few more parts of the big picture. Putting fears aside, moving forward with positive expectations. It would be a mistake to assume the worst, or the best. Still putting the puzzle together here. False conclusions are foolish. Inferences are being drawn and intuition tells me the sudden appearance of soft tissue masses will prove benign.

Seeing an abdominal surgeon on Monday. Onc's office called for me, now wanting a biopsy. I concur. Me too. Makes sense.

Life is a roller coaster indeed. I am not screaming. Frankly I don't do roller coaster when given a choice. But seeing as I am on a wild ride moving up, up, up -- I will hold my breath and hold off deducing till I have more information.

It's been a crazy 2 wks. Computer down. Then up. Then down again. Now up. Garage door broken. Nightly essential mouth guard vanished (now w/that I was hysterical and not in a funny way). I tore the house apart. Allllll day Monday and Tuesday. A little on Wednesday and then on the way out the door for an appt, I stumbled upon the thing in the absolutely most ridiculous place you could never ever possibly imagine.

I live in a constant state of gratitude for my life.
Every single day, several times a day, I see my little pewter figurine on bended knee, arms outstretched, forehead to the ground, saying THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE!

Living with joy, harmony, kindness, caring, the genuine desire to understand, generosity of Spirit, forgiveness and gratitude is a choice I make every single day. I try to do the right thing, as my Dad used to tell me he was sure I would. Think about it, he'd say, I'm sure you'll do the right thing. Often hard, but always the right choice.

Let all that positive energy fill you up and spill over from you...

I have consciously chosen to be a vessel of Universal Love. I've found that if you open yourself with all your heart, Love streams in in plentitude, straight from the Heavens. Then -- consciously choose to give it away. It will be returned to you tenfold.

There's an abundant supply, an infinite amount of Universal Love out there, I promise you...
Andi