[Andrea Barnett Budin]

When I meditate, after breathing in, holding on to that life-affirming air and gently blowing it out of my pursed lips, kissing all that is negative within me (mentally and physically) I say goodbye to it all. I focus. Only on my breathing for a good while till I am not chasing thoughts away. Clearing my head.

Then I go to my special place I saw as a 14 year old in the Catskills. I remember it all so vividly. I can HEAR the birds peeping, chirping, trilling all around this heavenly secret place midst the woods. I FEEL the sunshine and see it glistening on this charming still pond. Tall slender trees surrounded it on one side and were reflected perfectly in the mirror of water. I recall kneeling and running my fingers through the water, it was so inviting. I become utterly transported to that place -- including the elation and tranquility that filled me. When I return to The Now, I am refreshed. As if I'd just actually been there once again.

I don't journal. I have been working on a book for the last 10 years. I so want to share my experience and uplift people facing whatever adversity they are being challenged with. And we each have a turn. Even those who appear to be living perfectly normal lives. You find they have lost a child to some illness, they give themselves infusions every Sunday for hours in order not to have their autoimmune disease make them sick every 8 days, they live alone (divorced for 17 years, w/a dghtr who is bipolar and a son who has borderline personality -- the ex husband was/is a drug addict)...

The sense of community Amy refers to is indeed very healing. I find our community therapeutic.

I have found my spiritual core through my cancer journey and it has enriched my life in ways I can't imagine would have opened to me had I not had to seriously face the potential of my own demise, being separated from those I love most deeply, my beloved family.

As I turned inward, I discovered something miraculous. Not the voice that had nurtured and loved me through my childhood trauma, that I had grown apart from but a new voice I came to see as my Inner Voice. My reading (of Dyer, Zucav, Tolle, Myss, Dossey, Wilbur and many more) led me to a fresh perspective.

I now see this entity as my Inner Voice, guided by my Teachers who the wise authors I mentioned. All that I've read has become truly life-altering for me. I found explanations for the things I KNEW yet couldn't find words to explain. Things that felt odd and made me blanch at sharing with others.

That Inner Voice I am speaking of (as opposed to the voice in our head that is mostly primal, reptile brain, our greatest tormentor and full of fear and negativity)
-- my Inner Voice is my Soul or Spirit offering me unconditional love, compassion, kindness , strength, courage and tenacity.

I have come to believe we are not a mind and a body. We are so much more than that. We are each a Soul or Spirit, with a mind and body. And when I remain connected to that fresh identity I feel a joy and serenity that outshines what I felt on that glorious day in the Catskills.

As I align myself with my Higher Self, I feel my Oneness with All That Is. I KNOW that the Universe has my back, if I stay open to its awesome Love and offer my own to All I encounter. I feel the sweetness of The Present Moment, the beauty of Life, from the root of each blade of grass to the towering azure blue of the sky. We're each a part of it All. We are not apart. Not isolated. Not alone. We are never alone. My Spirit walks with me. I KNOW this.

I pray that each of you come to KNOW this as well. That is the purpose of the book I work on so arduously. It is my song. My legacy to my children, my grandchildren (who were not born when I was first dx) and to all that will listen.

I love your Spirit, Amy. I am most impressed by that woman's work on Soul Repair. We are all soldiers in our private wars I think. Militarism and state-sponsored violence in the world often causes me to grieve and yearn. It is the worst kind of soldiering imaginable.

Yesterday I received an email from a friend. It seems an appropriate moment to share this with you... May it delight you and bring you peace and hope.

Jackie Evancho -To Believe

With Love and Light,
Andi