[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Some yrs ago there was a thread posted on -- what was going on in your life when you were dx. I recall a lot of responses. And I also clearly remember that one Sister after the other had something extraordinarily stressful occurring at the time of dx.

For me, my mother (widowed) developed Alzheimers. We all -- truly horrid disease. She became more and more debilitated. I arranged for round the clock aides to be with her. She was so confused. She couldn't care for herself. (It's not easy running a mini hospital, let me tell you.) I would visit often and bring supplies of food, diapers and on and on. I'd rent things like hoya lift, hospital bed and on and on.

The pain of seeing my mother deteriorate in every unimaginable way was heart-wrenching. Finally, as she became paralyzed and dead weight, it would take 2 aides to transfer from bed to wheelchair and vice versa. She'd gotten even worse in every way and I had to look into a nursing home. Her friends pleaded me not to put her in a home. God knows I didn't want to either.

I considered bringing my Mom to live in my house but all my friends told me, You don't want to do that. It's horrible.

So I did get her into a home, on a wait list, told that when they did call me I would have 24 hrs to get her there, or I'd lose the bed. So I packed up a suitcase for her and left all kinds of instructions w/the aides. Every time the phone rang, for wks, or was it mnths, I'd rush to the phone. We were hanging on by our fingernails, as they say.

It was the nicest home I could find, but they are all inhabited by wailing, screaming, drooling people, some saying over and over, I want to go home, and though it was truly well kept, there was a stench of urine. Incontinence is not pleasant in any way.

After 1 wk of my Mom being in the home, I wondered how much longer I could stand it. She spent 9 yrs in the home, on top of the 3 yrs at home w/aides.

So I was dx 4 yrs after my Mom went into the home. I never told her I had bc. There was no point. If she happened to understand, it would only serve to upset her. And, what could she do? I couldn't get over the fact that I couldn't tell my mother I couldn't come to visit tomorrow, b/c I had chemo.

WHAT WAS GOING IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU WERE DX?????

I THINK WE'D ALL BE INTERESTED IN KNOWING...

Andi