[IrvineFriend]

Today I had to go into work all day to administer an ex-employee's graduate school exams (I'm her Procter) and after a few hours, took off my scarf. My BF picked me up from work and we went shopping. Off and and away! I'm in So. CA where it was warm today and didn't even think of my bald head. Went to 3 stores and everyone was so sweet to me, smiling, etc. and it wasn't until hours later this evening while BBQing that I realized I went around BALD. I was irked at the BF that he didn't say anything, but he actually likes it and it doesn't bother him. The couple times I've taken off my wig or scarf at work my colleauges (all much younger) love to see my bald head and encourage me to be free. They like the older woman biker chick look (I'm 48).

The reality, I have cancer, I have to be treated for it and it's pretty harsh and my hair fell out in clumps because of it. Don't know about you, but I'm just recovering from #4, and dreading #5. I had NO problems until this last round. My bald head validates what my body is going through for me. I don't miss work, go into for a few hours, and then go home when I hit the wall and that wall is hard for a couple days (Monday and Tuesday). I do chemo Thursday.

I ran a few miles yesterday but had to walk at 20 minutes, the first in my life. My baseball cap covering my bald head reassured me it's just the effects of the chemo. It's been 10-days since chemo and I should be tired and run down.

Of everything, my bald head and smooth legs and lack of pubic hair reassure me this isn't a joke. I love my smooth legs, I love the fact I can get up and out the door in minutes, just have make-up to deal with, but I know that I have to be more careful in ways that I didn't have to worry about before cancer. My bald head is my signature that I'm a cancer patient, like it or not, and I have to do or not do certain things right now. I'm very OK with this. And so is every person around me, family, friends, co-workers, people in public, boyfriend, etc. They all want to see my bald head, touch it, my boyfriend rubs it and kisses it. I have cancer and I'm actually very okay with it. Just dealing.

I read stories on here of Chrissy and Cool Breeze, etc. and cry. Not because they bum me out but because they're so brave. I would love to be that woman of honor and being OK with my cancer is the first step.

I plan to fight this and shout out for help when I need it because I don't want to let this beat me. Nobody should. We're all children of God and the series we're on at my church is HOPE. How appropriate right now.

When I run I wear a b-ball cap and then towards the end of the run take it off as I'm hot (if it's not sunny). I don't care if anyone in the park looks at me, .... I have cancer and I'm running!

My bald head is my cancer signature and that I'm so much better and stronger than it. And if I'm not, then I'll be graceful, like the women before me that I'm proud of.

A colleague asks when I'll be doing my next 1/2 marathon and I tell him I haven't stopped training. I'm a long way off but I'm going to stay active. Even a couple miles during chemo.

I've been told I look like a model since losing my hair, so it clearly doesn't look that bad,