[dearjilly]

Hello all -
a little update for you and the fact that I'm typing this may help my mood, as I get to get things off my chest. (like there's much on my chest literally, haha, funny?)
I am really down. Well, up and down. I am happy that the neurosurgeon and I decided to take a wait and see approach for either necrosis or growth. I will have another MRI in 2 months. I think I am having a really tough time because of my vision. I think it's gotten worse. It's only on one side though. I worry about my other side, even though, I know the chances of that happening to the other side or HUGE, it still scares me. I have to bring myself back to "in the moment" and living one day at a time. I'm a bit of a dreamer, so it's a different life living in the moment. It's nice and peaceful, once I'm there though.
The surgeon also said something about lipids and cholorides or something?!?! How one indicates perhaps regrowth and the other necrosis and it's showing both. Now, I know that these are just scans and it's not under a microscope, so there is really no way of 100% knowing until the darn thing is biopsies, but even that could not show 100% he said. If they went in and only got a sample of necrosis, and there was actual regrowth, then it was for nothing anyway. Argh! I'm frustrated. I'm on a rollercoaster. I feel like I need help. I feel like I talk about it too much with my family and they may be getting drained. I also feel that I was feeling fine, just a couple of headaches, but since I started dex, I'm dizzy now. I want to up the dex dose though, because we are going on a plane tomorrow and I don't want any problems. Dex is no friend of mine, or my fella! lol poor guy.
Anyway, thanks for letting me went.
I really love you all. You have helped me so much.
Love Jilly xoxo