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CoolBreeze · 02-10-2013, 12:58 AM

I'll tell you the one thing I hate as a woman with mets to the liver, and that's the constant pep talks. Trust me. I'm as positive as a person can be and I am not a complainer. But, I have a terminal illness and I admit that. Way too many people try to reassure me that I will be the miracle person who survives this disease and insist I think "positive" and I'm not allowed to mention death. It's such a taboo in this culture!

I would just listen if she wants to talk, without diminishing what she's going through. That doesn't mean you burst into tears when you see her, just take your cue from her. She may have a few more years and it's good to be hopeful. The reality is I, and she, will die of cancer and if we want to talk about it, people should not stop us by pretending we'll be okay.

I've been doing chemo 3 years now. It's hard. I'm tired. There is lots I can't do. If she's new she'll probably be okay for a while but as time goes on, it gets harder and harder. So, maybe regular meals, some light housekeeping, dogwalking stuff like that would be welcomed. Sometimes normality is perfect. A movie, coffee, or some other escape. I'm mostly housebound now but somebody bringing me a book or a movie or food is nice.

02-10-2013, 12:58 AM	#11
CoolBreeze Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 562	Re: How can I help her? I'll tell you the one thing I hate as a woman with mets to the liver, and that's the constant pep talks. Trust me. I'm as positive as a person can be and I am not a complainer. But, I have a terminal illness and I admit that. Way too many people try to reassure me that I will be the miracle person who survives this disease and insist I think "positive" and I'm not allowed to mention death. It's such a taboo in this culture! I would just listen if she wants to talk, without diminishing what she's going through. That doesn't mean you burst into tears when you see her, just take your cue from her. She may have a few more years and it's good to be hopeful. The reality is I, and she, will die of cancer and if we want to talk about it, people should not stop us by pretending we'll be okay. I've been doing chemo 3 years now. It's hard. I'm tired. There is lots I can't do. If she's new she'll probably be okay for a while but as time goes on, it gets harder and harder. So, maybe regular meals, some light housekeeping, dogwalking stuff like that would be welcomed. Sometimes normality is perfect. A movie, coffee, or some other escape. I'm mostly housebound now but somebody bringing me a book or a movie or food is nice. __________________ http://butdoctorihatepink.com 08/17/09 Dx'd. Multifocal/multicentric IDC, largest 3.4 cm, associated ADH, LCIS, DCIS HER2+ ER+/PR- Grade 3, Node Negative 10/20/2009: Right mastectomy, reconstruction with TE 12/02/2009: Six rounds TCH, switched to Taxol halfway through due to neuropathy 03/31/2010: Finished chemo 05/01/2010: Began tamoxifen, the worst drug ever 11/18/2010: Reconstruction completed 12/02/2010: Finished herceptin 05/21/2011: Liver Mets. Quit Tamoxifen 06/22/2011: Navelbine/Zometa/Herceptin 10/03/2011: Liver Resection, left lobe. Microwave ablation, right lobe - going for cure! 11/26/2011: C-Diff Superbug Infection, "worst case doctor had seen in 20 years" 03/28/2012: Progression in ablated section of the liver - no more cure. Started Abraxane, continue herceptin/zometa 10/10/2012: Progression continues, started Halaven, along with herceptin and zometa. 01/15/2013: Progression continues, started Gemzar and Perjeta, an unusual combo, continuing with herceptin and zometa 03/13/2013: Quit Gemzar, body just won't handle it. Staying on herceptin, zometa and perjeta. 04/03/2013: CT shows 50% regression in tumor, so am starting back on Gemzar with dose reduction, staying with perjeta/herceptin/zometa. Can't argue with success! 05/09/2013: Discussing SBRT with Radiology due to inability of bone marrow to recover from chemo. 06/07/2013: Fiducial placement for SBRT 07/03/2013: Chemo discontinued, on Perjeta, Herceptin and Zometa alone 07/25/2013: SBRT (gamma knife) begins 08/01/2013: SBRT completed 08/15/2013: STABLE! continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa 06/18/2014: *** NED!!!!*** continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa 01/29/2014: Still NED. continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin. Zometa lowered to every 3 months instead of monthly. 11/08/2015: Progression throughout abdomen and lungs. Started TDM-1, aka Kadcyla. Other meds discontinued. Remission was nice while it lasted. 5/27/18: Stable. Kadcyla put me right back in the barn. I have two teeny spots on my lungs that are metabolically inactive, and liver is clean. I’m beating this MFer. I was 51 when this started and had two kids, 22 and 12. Now I’m 60. My oldest got married and trying to start s family. My youngesg graduates from Caltech this June. My stepdaughter gave me grandkids. Life is fantastic.