[BonnieR]

You have received some good suggestions here. I agree that the drug cocktail you are on could be wreaking havoc with your system. And they could be fighting with each other, with you in the middle! It would be great if you could find a professional who would manage your medication regieme.
I recall after having part of my lung removed because it was mistakenly thought to have cancer that I was beside myself with grief and dispair. It just seemed like the most horrible error. And of course, it was a bad mistake. But I was behaving out of character. I finally realized my mood was being terribly affected by the pain medication and once I stopped it, my attitude improved alot. So, even though you have LOTS of reasons to be upset and anxious, I wonder how much is drug related. I do hope you can think in terms of "this too shall pass". What is happening is temporary and can be addressed. It wont always be like this.
Christmas is tomorrow and all that stress will be behing you. Hopefully you can find pleasure in the day with your family. Just live in the day. Thank you for sharing with us. We are always here to listen. Keep the faith.