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First post-treatment scan and I am beyond freaked out
Well, the day is slowly creeping up on me and every minute I feel more and more anxious. I have my first MRI post chemo and radiation. I'm still on herceptin every 3 weeks. I am so frightened that they will find something and this fear has completely paralyzed me. Everyone wants to make plans for next week and clients want to firm up meetings but all I can think about is this stupid MRI. I have lost sleep, big time. My doctor gave me some tiny little pills that are suppose to relax me but I have a feeling I will need the dose for an elephant.
I think I'm so scared because I have had a slight pain near my right rib cage. It comes an goes. Sometimes I've gone a month without feeling a thing. I keep thinking it may be mets to, oh gee...lung/bones/liver...or any organ in that area. I have burst into tears at the idea of going down that road. The only thing that is slightly making me feel like I have a good shot at it being clear is that I recently qualified for the Metformin trial and they took ridiculous amounts of blood. they tested me for EVERYTHING including markers and my liver function. So I assume if I had any active cells something would of popped up in my blood.
I just don't know if I can live fearing things like MRIs. I hate being scared. And I'm a fiery redhead (well I was, hair grew back auburn)...I was never scared of anything. Until now.
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DX 10/2011
PET Scan + MRI 10/2011
Lumpectomy 11/11/11
Stage 2B +++ ER+(10%), PR+(5%), HER2+++(1 positive node, 1 micromets to second node)
AC started 12/2011 ended 1/2012
Taxol + Herceptin weekly for 12 weeks ended 4/2012
30 zaps of radiation done 6/2012
Tamoxifen 6/2012
every 3 weeks of Herceptin for another year.
Metformin Trial 8/12
10/12 MRI- CLEAR
01/13 BRAIN MRI- CLEAR!
01/13 Neck MRI- CLEAR!
FINISHED HERCEPTIN 1/9/2013...Woot Woot
Starting Walter Reed Vaccine Trial 2/13
CT Scans + ultrasound of abdomen CLEAR-5/13
02/2015 through 11/2015 emergency D&Cs for Tamoxifen induced uterine polyps which caused uncontrollable hemorrhaging
12/2015 blood clot to left leg caused by Tamoxifen. No longer taking it. On Xarelto, a blood thinner
12/2015 Ablation to prevent hemorrhaging from potential issues with Tamoxifen residue in my system
1/2016 continuing journey without hormonal therapy. Reevaluating the option of a hysterectomy and oopherectomy.
4/1/2018 2mm stroke. Yes, stroke! No cause ever found but they believe it was a migraine that went bonkers and created a tiny clot. No deficits. I was back to normal with 24hrs. Now on baby aspirin for life.
7/27/2018 hysterectomy and oopherectomy
01/07/2019 Mastectomy and expanders put in
3/22/2019 Vtach, almost died. Cause unknown.
7/22/2019 New perky boobs put in
7/21/2020 Off of all drugs but a baby aspirin because of the stroke in 2018.
www.mychemobag.org
www.facebook.com/mychemobag
8 YEARS NED
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