[jml]

Thank you everyone for your support, hugs, love and suggestions.

It was a long 5 hour visit with the doc yesterday, between getting the mri and seeing his resident then seeing him. They didn't even have a dictated report to share with me, as we went directly to the computer to read the films, so I don't have any exact measurements.
I believe the most urgent information here is that only 8 weeks ago the only thing on my brain scan was a 2mm spot in my L lobe that didn't look exactly like disease, because it appered to be more linear than spherical.That was the reason for the watch & wait x 8 weeks.
These results are a horrifiying shock...when he said "8," I sqeezed my eyes shut so tight.
The most problemeatic thing is how quickly these things have grown, most especially a ~2cm lesion in the center of my brain stem. The brain stem - that controls everything - from motor function, to breathing and heart beating.
And a 2cm lesion in my R tempora lob (above the ear).
While I'm completely asymptomatic, they do see some swelling already and am to start decadron very soon.
Incidentally, they can't do any kind of radio-surgery -novalis, etc- in the brain stem, as it creates too much necrosis, and as we've all scene recently with Brenda, that is a very dangerous situation.

I'm sending an email to my Onc. right now. The RadOnc said he would talk/email her last night, so by now she knows. I do want to talk to her about adding Tykerb back in. Back in 2009, the Tykerb didn't do much to control the disease in my body, but maybe it'll help my brain now?
Thankfully my sister is here from San Fran. She was planning on being here this weekend anyway, so the timing couldn't be more perfect.
I'm scared. All I can imagine is that i'll be putting my brain in a "microwave" for 15 days, and what will I be left with? How sick will I feel during/after? What little hair has started to grow back will certainly be lost again.
And whatever time we do buy for me is for what? To continue to live in fear and sometimes pain from this disease?
I keep saying "I just want it to be over," but truly, I'm not sure what I mean by that.
This is so hard.

Jml