[CoolBreeze]

I've been Stage IV since May 2011. Have had cancer since August 2009.

I work in a high school as the Principal's Secretary, a job I love.

School secretary is not a normal administrative/secretarial job. It's more physical. You run the school - deal with lots of kids, are up and down and talking to teachers and kids all day. When anything happens on campus, its because of me. I am in contact with lots of people every single days. When a teacher is sick and they need a sub, they come talk to me. Subs talk to me every day. Kids who need the principal talk to me. People who need to be on campus sign in with me. I work with the custodian to make things happen on campus, and of course, I work with the principal.

I am bragging, but I am very good at my job and sought after. I've been asked to go to other schools and asked to go to the District Office.

Needless to say, I am out in the public eye. I worked except for my mastectomy in 09, and I've been off since October 3rd '11, my liver resection. I'd be back now except for C-Diff.

I have to go back February 1st, or my job protection runs out.

I am recovering from C-Diff and it's been two weeks. It's less likely <knock wood> that it will recur. But, I am weak and very tired. It seems impossible that I will be back Feb 1, but it's a month, you never know.

A long time ago my oncologist told me the danger comes from internal infections (like c-diff) rather than external I'd get at school, like colds and flu. However, he's several times asked me, "are you still working" and seems like he thinks that's a bad idea. Last time I mentioned whether I shoudl continue, he didn't comment. I will ask him outright at my next appt Jan 18th but he's only one part of the equation.

I would get only $800 on disability. I owe some student loan so they might take that out of the disability which would make it less.

My place of employment has some sort of thing where if you are diagnosed with a terminal illness with less than a year to live, they'll pay your entire salary for one year. I don't know the details and I don't know if what I've gotten already (6 months of full pay) would take away from that. I've been there 6 years so there is some small retirement pay but whether I could get that with disability or not, I don't know.

I have a very bright 14 year old sophomore - he's an A+ student in IB. He does lots of other stuff like being on the National Science Bowl team, and he wants to go to MIT. My husband is 11 years older than me, and is 64. Our former plan was for him to retire at 70, me to continue to work. We don't have much in the way of savings so my husband was going to use all of his social security pay for college expenses (about $2,000 a month), keep working until the kid was done with college, and I was going to use all of my salary for college too. (My husband's salary pays the bills). Then he could retire and I could work or retire as finances allowed.

Now, I likely won't make it that long.

My only life insurance is through my work. If I no longer work, I can pay on my own, but for only two years. If I die after two years, my family gets nothing.

I have so much to think about: finances, of course. I like my job but hate getting up in the morning, but when I don't have something to do, I don't do anything. My health - is working in a school dangerous for me at this point?

If I leave, I can never go back. I'm at my dream school. If I had my way, I'd just take the rest of the year off and start fresh, but they won't let me do that I'm sure.

Please help me sort this out, and if you are Stage IV, please share what you have done. I can't post this on my blog because I don't want my coworkers to know my thoughts and they read it.

Thanks.