I can't believe how timely is this thread!
When I was dx with BC (2005), I was offered severance at my job and never have been allowed to return and apply. Yes, there is descrimination to cancer people.
So I believe I had a double whammy-bc and off work. You know when you are told about the big C, all stops. Life is never the same again.
Since then, I have left two jobs when my manager was VERY nasty to me, human resources brought in. Both times, I went to the car and cried in total despair, as when someone dies, I felt totally failing in all. I had to stop and park, I could not continue driving. I had to call my husband and talk because I may not be able to drive home.
I had another attack this Saturday and it occurred after an annual high school "tea" party. I went to a private high school and there's only about 90 in each class.
Well, I spent two hours listening to dear friends how wonderful teachers they are, how they could retire, they had pensions, etc. Everything I had lost plus also being ill.
I had carpooled with one of these friends. As soon as I got in my car, started to cry in despair, total failure, etc.
I have another friend with BC Her2+ that suffered PTSD and she was placed on Xanax. She was scared to get out and see people. She also had left another job and could not consider working again.
Well, as I was driving home a couple of days ago and trying to figure out why this was happening, I started to piece reactions together and how they all ended in total frustation, crying, screaming in the car.
I thought that perhaps I was having some sort of "flashback" even though I was not aware, conscious of it at the moment-not at all. So PTSD came up in my chemo brain!
because I thought of the returning soldiers from Afghanistan.
The crying, screaming goes away but the feeling takes me 2-3 days to come out of it. A lot of Ativan.
And I remembered that the onc had very briefly mentioned that I could be suffering from PTSD when I requested ativan in addition to klonopin
I knew it was not depression-I'm on Wellbutrin. I'm on klonopin for anxiety. The doctors say no Zanax because it's extremly addictive. And I also have .5mg ativan to use when I needed it. All these times, I did use Ativan, but it was several pills that brought me back into control. I don't think I'm bipolar.
I also think that triggers are different. I am not sure what mine are, but I think it could be the loss of a job, in other words, I have not been able to regain that part of my life. I run away from a local store when I see someone that worked with me. I dropped a zumba class when I saw one of my past managers in that class. See the run away, the inability to deal with them. A friend told me just go up and say hi and go on. I can't get to that step. If I'm cleaning the house, it can come out of nowhere, because again I feel that I have lost the ability to gain a job.
Now I know a job is nothing compared to all I and you have gone through. But when BC struck, I had a farily high and well paying position where my peers and above respected me for my knowledge. I have bs, mba and a couple of licenses.
So when I saw this post. I could not believe my eyes reading this. Literally, the same day I came with the idea of PTSD.
I'm going to see if there's a group at my local cancer community that can help me with this.
Can anyone else comment on this? Have you felt this way? Where have you gone for help?
I want to treat this non prescription.
Thank you MaryJo!!!!!
Maria del Carmen