[Mary Jo]

What a great post and one that I'm sure many of us can relate too. I, thankfully, work only 20 hours a week and have much calm in my life...however, that being said, calm vs. stress is something many cancer survivors wonder about. We also beat ourselves up over minimal or lack of exercise.....eating too much of whatever "bad" food is bad.....carrying excess weight....and the list goes on and on.

Let me reassure you. As a 6 year survivor, I, too, went through many of these phases. I tried (of course always failing at one point) doing everything perfectly. Eat no sugar.....take all the right supplements (whatever the heck they are)......lose the etxra poundage.....exercise religiously.....and on and on it goes.

Failing at all of these at one point, I can still say I am a 6 year NED survivor. Why? I don't know. Why do those that do all the right things recur? I don't know that either.

I know some would argue that using the phrase "it's a crap shoot" isn't true. I disagree. Now, that being said, do I think that we should "abuse" our bodies? NO! We should make a conscious effort each day to take care of ourselves the best we can each day. It's just overall good common sense...good for our health overall and good for our heart. Not to mention, we've already had cancer, we surely don't need to abuse these bodies we fought (or our fighting) to make healthy or healthier. Should we be stressed to the max? No! Of course, quiet time....relaxing and minimizing stress is just good for us. How we deal with stress is important too. If you enjoy your job and it's making a difference in your emotional place since cancer, then I think you should continue to do it. As you stated, there are ways you can try to aid in the stress relief and exercise dilema.

This is our life. As imperfect as anyone elses. We cannot control whether we live or die, because we are all going to die. We can control how we live these lives God has given us. We can control the quality of our lives by choices we make while we are here.

For me personally, when I reached the place of accepting what I'd been through, accepting that I had no control of whether or not "it" came back and accepting my imperfect self and just doing the best I could, it was then my stress level went way down. I've learned (and am always learning) to live in the moment. To "stop and smell the roses," as you stated, wherever those "roses" were. Keeping my attitude fixed on letting God's love shine all around me and being a person who tries to make a difference in what's going on around me....whether at work or at home.

I hope this helps somewhat in allowing you to put all of "it" into perspective. I hope you are successful in eliminating some of the stress in your life or at least learning how to bring some balance for you.

God's Peace I pray for you,

Mary Jo