[NanaJoni]

Tracy - it's a terrible trauma to have part of your body amputated and that's what mastectomy is-but it's not like we've lost an arm or leg. I chose a bi-lateral which turned out to be a really good decision. I also chose not to have reconstruction at the time of my mx. Several months later I felt differently and decided to explore my options for reconstruction. Then I threw 3 pulmonary embolisms (or emboli??) and now am not a candidate for any elective surgery. I won't lie to you - some days when I look in the mirror, I feel a little like a freak. Even at the ripe old age of 62, I really miss having breasts and the prostheses just feel like a heavy harness. But then I hear my grandchildren laugh, see my husband smile at me, feel the fall breeze on my face and I am so grateful to be alive. I know the bad feelings will continue to resurface from time to time no matter how hard I try to keep them locked away but we all have bad times even before we were cancer patients. I highly recommend that you find a good therapist who can help you deal with all you are going through. There are wonderful professionals who can really make a difference. Anti-depressants and anxiety medications are very helpful, too, but the therapy can give you the tools that will make a difference in the future.