[chrisy]

First if all, you are NOT a mess and you have every reason to be frustrated, confused or down. Totally legit, all of it and everyone above has said it much better.

You are, however, dealing with a MESS of information which is not conclusive. And your team of experts is also not quite sure what it means. So I'm certainly not going to try any medical interpretations other than to just observe that because you have a "complicated" history it makes them more likely to question things while at the same time making it more challenging to interpret.

You have a great list of the data that has been collected. Maybe start with that and craft questions (how so you interpret this? What do you recommend? And why?). The thing I did notice about your questions was that they seemed more focused on what you think the next steps should be. That is important but the options may get clearer (or not) of you get a better grasp on what the doctor is thinking.

What has worked well for me is to write out and email my questions in advance. That helps me organize myself, gives my onc a better idea of where my concerns are, and mostly prevents me from leaving the office having forgotten what I wanted to ask. I also agree, it's helpful to bring someone else and/or tape record the visit. Your doctor won't mind and it's amazing how much I DON'T hear in the heat if the moment.

Michka, I think dealing with um clear or conflicting information is one of the hardest parts if this game. You are doing a great job.

I second all the comments above. And add: don't forget to breathe.

Chris