[Laurel]

Ditto on the hair, Melanie!

What I have learned?

I have learned that the nights are long beyond expression and lonely like an abyss during chemo. That during those long, lonely nights perched in my recliner it was just me and my God soldiering against the foe.

I learned that those nights recede into shadowy memory once life begins anew. While life is now different, because I am no longer immune to my own mortality, it is wonderful and savory, delicious in its sweetness.

I have learned how much my mother loves me, a gift I shall cherish into my old age. Cancer heals as you learn you are valued, treasured even, by the most surprising people. I learned who my true friends were, and who was afraid to pick up the phone, and I learned it did not matter.

I have learned to slow down and enjoy the sun on my face, the feeling of a cool autumn breeze in my hair, of sweat cascading between by shoulder blades in the hot summer heat. I've learned to smile on despite the new woman who stares back at me in the mirror, the woman who doesn't quite look like me anymore, but who grins ridiculously, shamelessly in fact, despite unruly hair, thin brows, and round, fuller cheeks complements of the meds I took and some I continue to take to fight on.

I'd like to think I am grateful for this cancer odyssey. I'd very much like to think I am changed for the better. I'd like to believe I've learned to dance in the rain and love getting wet.