[MJo]

This is an interesting topic. I don't have a husband or children, but the pain of someone behaving badly can affect family members for generations. I like to think that all my married sisters have husbands who, if the worst happens, will act wisely and put their children's needs at least on par with their own. But there are some real horndogs out there.

In my family's case, breast cancer skipped a generation. I am the first of my generation to get it. But five of my great aunts -- all in my mother's family -- died of breast cancer . I remember one of the cases because my great aunt was around my mother's age. She was the youngest of 11! Her husband moved in with his girlfriend while my aunt was dying of metastatic breast cancer in the early 1960s. He would stop by to see my aunt occasionally, sometimes leaving his girlfriend outside waiting in the car. Her children were preteens and teenagers and they didn't have much to do with him when they grew up.

I mention this because the topic came up here. Though I was a kid when these things happened, I remember the talk and the pain and bitterness and anger my mother and her family members felt. I think it is important for husbands and wives to discuss these things. Easier said than done. But as a survivor, I feel so sad when I think of my aunt and I still make donations in her honor.