[alicem]

I agree with you Mary Jo. I have felt at odds with some of what is being said here because I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I personally do not have a problem with my husband moving on and finding someone else to love - even IF it were to be one week later!! You just can't "plan" when that is going to happen. I didn't follow a "plan" when I met him, it just happened. My view on this is tempered by the fact that it is my 100% desire for him to be happy his whole life. If moving on and falling in love with someone else will accomplish that, I am OK with that. Maybe it is easier for me to say that because our 3 children are grown and on their own. Yet, if they were still young, I would trust that he would marry someone wonderful who would take care of them for me. He would need help. Life is hard enough as it is. I choose to look at it from the perspective that he would not be replacing me, he has already told me that there is no one on the face of this earth that could do that. He would just be starting a new and different chapter of his life - not rewriting the book.

When my mother died in 1999, I saw how sad, hurt & depressed my father was. He lived 10 years without her and was never the same. Somehow the joy was taken out of his life. I would never wish that for my husband, and I don't think anyone of you who have posted would either. I think part of the discussions here is all about timing. But I wonder, what if the perfect person to take away the pain from my loved one came into their life - but it happened to be just 1 month after my passing. Just because it was "too soon" would that make it wrong; would it be better to live a life unhappy? Is 1 month + 1 day too soon? What about 2 months? 6 months? 3.545 years?

What Mary Jo is saying, and I am agreeing with - it is up to each individual to decide what matters to them & discuss their feelings with their own loved ones. Openly communicate what matters to YOU. Please remember that everyone's opinion here is VALID because everyone's circumstances and feelings are different, but no one can be wrong when it comes to situations like this!!!