[Sherryg683]

After being diagnosed as Stage IV I began thinking alot about my death and how it would effect my family. My daughter is 11. My best friend died when she was 40, leaving 2 young boys behind, within months her husband was dating again while her boys were being shipped off to friends house. He only seemed to care about this "angel" god had sent him. It just seems that there has been a trend of where the spouces are already dating someone before the body of their loved one has gotten cold. I just don't understand this. Especially in the case where children are involved. What are you teaching your child when you bring home another woman or man that soon, it would seem to me to teach them that "mom or dad was pretty replaceable." I have made it clear to my husband that I expect him to do the right thing and put in a good amount of time in making sure my children get the help they needed and him spending time with them, they are going to need it. He will just have to put his primal needs on hold for a while, that's what makes him a responsible adult. I have no problem down the road if he finds a nice woman to spend the rest of his life with and who will love our children, then he will have my blessing from heaven. But it's not going to happen within months of my death. I'll be throwing hot grits at him from wherever I end up...lol. I know I've also heard about how it's just as hard or even harder on the caregivers but I don't quite believe this either. Not many caregivers would really want to trade place with the dying cancer patient. They may get shell shocked from the afterblasts but it's the patients going through the full blown war. Why do we do this, to keep our loves and our families together and to live..I think it would break a lot of their hearts to know that with all their fighting to stay in here, they could be replaced in a couple of months. I just think it's the respectable thing to do and the only thing to do when you have young children involved. My husband just lost his young secretary to brain cancer, within weeks of her burial, her husband was dating her nurse. At the funeral, I told my husbnd "i bet he's taking phone numbers"...I wasn't wrong. I know that life is for the living but there has to be a right respectable way to deal with it. I am trying hard to understand this wave of action because I know when i go, I can do nothing about it. I just want my daughter to know that her mother loved her and her family dearly and that type of love can't be replaced quickly...sherryg