[Lien]

Hi Heather,

We all understand that you need to vent! Ofcourse you are tired, in pain, upset, insecure, afraid. Who wouldn't be in your situation? You are doing the right things, though. You are not forcing yourself to do things you can't handle right now. When my Mom was in the hospital, years ago, a lady sharing the room with her told her to take things one day at the time. Yes, there's pain, yes there's fatigue, fear, etc. But it is here now. And tomorrow it will be a little bit better. And the next day, and the next.

So don't worry about not looking after your little girl, you are doing your best to make sure you will be around for a long time yet. That will be so much more important for her than you picking her up now.

Just yesterday I was talking to my now 14 yr old about my cancer. He said: "yes, I was afraid you would die, but I didn't want to think about it too much. I didn't want you to worry about me. You had enough to deal with." This was 5,5 years ago, when he was 8. I was worrying about him then, because he didn't talk about it, but he managed very well. They need to deal with this disease in their own way, I think. He did talk to others, though, as I found out later.

I am a councellor, and I recently worked with a woman who's mother had breastcancer when she was a young child. The most important thing she remembered, was that her mother took some time to be with her every day. Her mother was in bed for weeks on end (chemo and rads were even harsher, 40 years ago) and she would sit on the bed and just chat. Her mother would tell her what she liked about her (the daughter): how smart she was, and how independent and that she loved her. Those moments really mattered. And my client never talked about the fact that her mother didn't pick her up from school.

So put your energy into sustaining your body: keep it hydrated, keep it well-nourished and get plenty of rest. If you conserve energy by sleeping on the couch, that's a good idea. If you need help with practical stuff: don't hesitate to ask. If having stage IV cancer isn't a good reason to ask for help, support and TLC, I don't know what is. You'll be doing all that as much for your daughter as for yourself.

Try putting foods in the blender. Vegetables, fruits, protein powder, milk, soy, etc make great shakes. I used to make soup for the kids by cooking chicken in salted water, then adding vegetables and putting it in the blender until smooth. Drink lukewarm. You can save a few portions in the freezer for when you are too tired to cook. Or better even: ask someone to make them for you and freeze in portions.

Is it just your throat that's sore, or is your mouth painful as well? In that case you might want to drink throuh a straw.

Hang in there, girl! We're here to support you! Keep venting and don't worry about us. We can handle it.

Big hugs,

Jacqueline