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Believe51 · 08-23-2009, 11:30 PM

Tuesday is OncoMan to review the results of the brain MRI he finally was able to get. Even if his head is clear, he is so very frail. When he sleeps, I try to spend that time planning the upcoming changes in my life. It is totally overwhelming but I am doing alright with it. I have faith that when that time comes, we both will know it and pray that we can let go.

I have been busy making great changes in my life, trying to prepare for that time. I have spent my lifetime becoming a stronger, better person than I was yesterday and I have no doubts of my strength. But it does not matter how strong we are, 17 years (together) of sheer marital bliss coming to an unwanted end is something not in the plans, you cannot prepare for that. I am afraid that my life will never be the same and that I will never be as loved or happy as I am with him here. All that time together has intertwined us as one and the sudden seperation is unbearable.

I promise you all that I am alright, that my days are full with more laughter than tears. I have been trying to land million dollar donations to Roses foundation, going public shortly and for Her2support. Soon I will be back to work and not part of Rhode Islands 12.9% unemployment rate. Life is slowly coming together.

Need to get some sleep now. Please know that we have not given up but being so frail, we are almost out of options. I will have news if the Ixempra passes his BBB. No one is using this drug alone and for brain mets. Maybe this harsh drug will prove better off for patients who are not as frail as the Lovies that were taking it.

Love to all. I am breathing and laughing. I am trying to make life times changes to help ease me into the unknown. I have done more accepting in the last 2 months than the entire journey and I have always accepted this disease. I still refuse to think I will be a widow at 44, it turns my stomach. I will accept that when the time comes.

Last night he said that he thinks this disease is going to make him fight the fight of his life.......O Dear, I thought that was what the last 3 years were all about.

SEPTEMBER 7th is his 3rd Cancerversary!!
OCTOBER 21st is our 14th Wedding Anniversary
NOVEMBER 27th is his 54th birthday

Please pray that he can experience these milestones and be comfortable doing so. These are his goals despite his body saying something differrent.

Thanks Patty, I appreciate and miss you. Sending love always.>>Marie

08-23-2009, 11:30 PM	#3
Believe51 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: RHODE ISLAND (Ed getting me a latte on 2nd Cancerversary Cruise 2008) 'BELIEVE': To accept as true or real, To have faith in, To presume ALWAYS BELIEVE Posts: 3,000	Re: Marie....... Tuesday is OncoMan to review the results of the brain MRI he finally was able to get. Even if his head is clear, he is so very frail. When he sleeps, I try to spend that time planning the upcoming changes in my life. It is totally overwhelming but I am doing alright with it. I have faith that when that time comes, we both will know it and pray that we can let go. I have been busy making great changes in my life, trying to prepare for that time. I have spent my lifetime becoming a stronger, better person than I was yesterday and I have no doubts of my strength. But it does not matter how strong we are, 17 years (together) of sheer marital bliss coming to an unwanted end is something not in the plans, you cannot prepare for that. I am afraid that my life will never be the same and that I will never be as loved or happy as I am with him here. All that time together has intertwined us as one and the sudden seperation is unbearable. I promise you all that I am alright, that my days are full with more laughter than tears. I have been trying to land million dollar donations to Roses foundation, going public shortly and for Her2support. Soon I will be back to work and not part of Rhode Islands 12.9% unemployment rate. Life is slowly coming together. Need to get some sleep now. Please know that we have not given up but being so frail, we are almost out of options. I will have news if the Ixempra passes his BBB. No one is using this drug alone and for brain mets. Maybe this harsh drug will prove better off for patients who are not as frail as the Lovies that were taking it. Love to all. I am breathing and laughing. I am trying to make life times changes to help ease me into the unknown. I have done more accepting in the last 2 months than the entire journey and I have always accepted this disease. I still refuse to think I will be a widow at 44, it turns my stomach. I will accept that when the time comes. Last night he said that he thinks this disease is going to make him fight the fight of his life.......O Dear, I thought that was what the last 3 years were all about. SEPTEMBER 7th is his 3rd Cancerversary!! OCTOBER 21st is our 14th Wedding Anniversary NOVEMBER 27th is his 54th birthday Please pray that he can experience these milestones and be comfortable doing so. These are his goals despite his body saying something differrent. Thanks Patty, I appreciate and miss you. Sending love always.>>Marie __________________ 9/7/06Husband 50yrs=StageIV IBC/HER2+,BoneMets10/06TaxotereX10,'H'1X wk,Zometa,Tamoxifen4/12/07Last Tax5/18/07Pet=Rapid Cell Activity,No Organ Mets,Lytic Lesions,Degeneration,Some Bone Repair5/07ChemoFail6/01/07Pleural Thoracentisis=Effusions,NoMalignantCells6/19/07+7/2/07DFCI 6/25/07BrainMRI=BrainMets,Many<9mm7/10/07WBR/PelvisRad37.5Gx15&Nutritionist8/19/07T/X9/20/07BrainMRI=2<2mm10/6/07Pet=BoneProgression 10/24/07ChemoFail11/9/07A/Cx10,EndTam12/7/07Faslodex12/10/07Muga7512/13/07BlasticLesions1/7/08BrainMRI=Clear4/1/08Pet=BoneImprovement, NoProgression,Stable4/7/08BrainPerfect5/16/08Last A/C8/26/08BrainMets=10(<9mm)9/10/08Gamma10/30/08Met=5mm12/19/08Gamma5mets5 12/22/08SpinalMets1/14/09SpinalRads2/17/09BrainMRI=NoNewMets4/20/09BoneScan5/14/09Ixempra6/1/09BrainMRI=NumerousMets6/24/09DFCIw/DrBurstein6/26/09Continue Ixempra/Faslodex/Zometa~TM now lower7/17/09Stop Ixempra By Choice9/21/09HOSPICE10/16/09Earned His Deserved Wings And Halo=37 Month Fight w/Stage 4 IBC, Her2+++,My Hero!!