[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I so understand the challenge and difficulty of LIVING in a positive mode, especially post treatment.

Facing Taxotere (when I recurred in '98) was the battle of my life, for my life! I was focused on enduring the side effects which were so physically debilitating I was basically bed-ridden for 8 mnths.

I explain this is my thread --

From cautious remission to freedom... - HER2 Support Group Forums

... if you care to peruse those posts. I believe it was a really important thread and was so sorry to see it closed, never to be brought up (BUMPED) to the top of the HER2 forum page. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the ideas, experiences and input that is lodged in there.

Ellie, and others, I wanted to mention -- even during tx, I would get out of bed, shower, wash my face (which sometimes bled from the mildest of soap, it was that dry), moisturize EVERYWHERE (heels on up -- withered skin being everywhere from my Did I Just Walk On Hot Coals? feet to the top of my bald head). I'd brush my teeth. Put on makeup, a wig and my earrings (cannot forget those essentials) and a nice outfit.

Then Paul and I would meet friends for dinner. He needed to get out I felt, and we needed hugs, laughter, chatter and a chance to linger over happy memories. He'd always look at me half passed out in bed most of the day and ask, Do you want me to cancel? I'd always insist, No! I KNEW it would be healing, for both of us.

Everyone would say, You look great (thanks to makeup, natural normal looking wig and earrings). I would smile, which is a thing embedded in me. My Mother always had a smile on her face. It comes from one's Spirit, reflecting it's radiance, I think.

The sincere compliments made me feel better. If they'd seen my grey self hrs before, no eyebrows, no lashes, shiny skull, stooped and struggling, they'd feel sorrowful, empathetic and -- uncomfortable. I needed their love, not their pity.

But the light at the end of the tunnel, the end of tx, was a new beginning, of a new normal. There would be no returning to the old normal I would learn. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other...

I would listen to Andrea Bocelli's Romanza and become literally transported to another realm. I would close my eyes and envision my happy place. Me sitting by a small still lake with white trunked birch trees standing tall and thin and mirrored in the lake. The sun is glorious, the sky a magnificent blue. There is the loveliest of breezes blowing the tall green grass spotted by red and purple wild flowers. I love it in this special place. I go there daily. In my mind. I feel joy and bliss, serenity, gratitude for the beauty of Life. I am grinning with my face turned to the sun, feeling touched by something divine. I feel One With The Universe.

Post tx, it is necessary to maintain our health with the boosting of meditations and affirmations. This has become a way of life for me. Perpetually connected with my Spirit, which guides me, supports me, loves me and nurtures me. It gifts me with a sense of harmony and wellness, a wholeness.

Ever feel like SOMETHING IS MISSING? Well, I believe it is your Soul, and your awareness of it. Your sense of being connected to it is awesome. It is a sacred entity, given to us by our Source. A piece of that holy One is embedded in each us.

I am not Christian, but I have heard many say, What would Jesus do? I totally understand this search for wisdom. I would ask What would Moses do? The part of us that is full of the energy of God (our Soul) speaks to us all the time. Listen to your Sacred Self. I have learned to do this and it is quite awesome.

If you turn away from your intellectual arguments that are playing out in your head and instead turn to your Spirit -- you can be open to listening to its advice. It speaks to you as your Inner Voice. It is a strong sense that you should or should not do this or that.

We are each a mind, a body and a Soul. Once you begin to re-identify yourself in this light, a world of possibilities open to you.

Personal Empowerment is a grand thing, our birthright. Yet many, regardless of their religion, fail to claim this power granted us. The power of our thoughts when guided by our Spirit rather than our intellect (or our ego as Eckhart Tolle calls it) changes everything! How you feel. And how you fare.

YOU are not the voice in your head. YOU have the ability to alter the messages playing out in your head all day. Especially if they are filled with fear, worry, doubt, uncertainty, vulnerability and the like. You deserve better than that.

I try to keep reminding myself -- I AM WELL AND HEALTHY AND I INTEND TO REMAIN THIS WAY. I AM HUMBLY GRATEFUL FOR THIS BLESSING. I FEEL MORE ALIVE THAN EVER BEFORE.

I try not to HATE. It is so very tempting to hate this disease, for example. It is quite despicable, erratic, cruel, not to mention potentially lethal. But I KNOW it is best not to HATE. So instead I try to put my energy, my focus, on being victorious and holding on to that. Tomorrow is promised to no one. With bc or not. Such is Life. I try to remain grounded in The Moment and feel the wondrous mystery of just BEING...

Thought I'd share this with you all, as we all are struggling, even post tx. Sending loving energy, as always, to every one of you...
Andi

If you feel you can, please add your perspective and experience here, for all of us to contemplate. WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU THINK TRULY MAKE A DISTINCT DIFFERENCE!