[chrisy]

Hi Jo,

I see that others have welcomed you warmly and with encouragement as well as science to give you hope. I will do so as well: Welcome. Sorry you had to be here, but how that you are here, we will continue to support you in whatever ways we can – with wisdom, real science, and love.

Now, the tough love part: HOPE is never a waste of time!

People worry about “false hope” but there is also “false despair”. When I feel myself slipping I remind myself how stupid I’ll feel if I live another 5, 10, 20 years but waste it all worrying about dying. I am realistic and know the statistics around my diagnosis – but am also aware that science is running very, very fast right now. Herceptin was a game-changer and the next one may be just around the corner. I’ve seen new therapies become available and save or extend people’s lives just as they thought they were out of options. I’ve seen people, including myself, have tumors disappear with new experimental drugs that are still in the pipeline. I’ve heard highly regarded researchers utter the word “cure” right out loud. Right out loud. They could hurry things up a bit but it still gives me hope.

Yes, too many people die of this horrid disease. We have lost dear friends and are right now holding others in loving prayers as they continue to struggle. I cry with them, for them, for myself.

We may or may not be brave (I don’t think of myself as brave) but we do what we can, what we must. We try to stay in our lives while fighting for them. We are determined not to defeated regardless of how the story ends. Your mom is way ahead of me - sending you out to be her advocate!

When I was in the place where your mom is now – just having received a shocking and unexpected diagnosis (death sentence), I was without hope. My primary physician, who we call “Dr. Doom” told us chances for recovery were slim and that I would get chemo and I wouldn't tolerate it well. I really thought, well, ok so I’ll just feel sicker and sicker and then I’ll die – and wondered why anyone would even bother to do the chemo.

My local oncologist we called “Dr. Cautiously Optimistic” – he refused to quote stats, saying instead that he was cautiously optimistic that I would respond well to treatment, and that overall good health was a very positive indicator.

He referred me for a second opinion to a top breast oncology doctor who we called “Dr. Hope” – who’s actual name IS Hope, but we called her that because that is what she offered us. She told us that while not curable, stage IV cancer IS treatable; that they are beginning to view it as a chronic disease to be managed much like diabetes; that Her2+ is the subject of a lot of research and there were many new treatments in the pipeline. She told us people are living well and for a lot longer, and if you respond to treatment you can extend that by a lot.


Dr. Doom was wrong. Dr. Cautiously Optimistic and Dr. Hope were right. Ok, Dr. Doom was right about the stats, but they are just stats. Slim chance is better than no chance.


You can read my history below; what isn’t updated is that I just last week celebrated a birthday that I was CERTAIN I would not see. Absolutely certain – I spent the whole week prior to my birthday looking out for speeding buses! I have a different perspective on birthdays now, and my goal is to have as many as I can.

My birthday wish for you and your mom is that you have hope and never think it’s a waste of time. You just never know….