I did think you would let my birthday slip by...there are far more pressing concerns on your shoulders. Of course, I'm glad you didn't! Thanks!
To tell the truth, and I whisper this, what I REALLY thought was that this particular birthday would slip by without ME being here to celebrate it. It is truly a surprise birthday.
Nearly 5 years ago, about a month after my "flamingo birthday party" when I was diagnosed with extensive (and unexpected) liver mets, I remember thinking - knowing - that I would not make it to 55. Even as the this new year dawned, I thought "oh, this is my last holiday..."
This past couple of weeks has been an emotional roller coaster for all of us. For me, it has been filled with overwhelming sadness, grief, and almost guilt.
And a sense of wonder - astonishment really, mingled with an irresistable compulsion to hold my breath as I thought "oh my God, I'm still here" while watching out for speeding buses.
Well, I'm just stunned. Yesterday I told a friend who works for a bike company that since I wasn't dead, I guess I'd buy a new bicycle. That made her happy
Today I'll make myself a birthday cheesecake (because, darn it, I WANT one and my mommy always would make me one!), open the Barolo that my hubby gave me as a gift on the Flamingo birthday, and accept all the unearned goodness that is God's grace with unspeakable gratitude.
I'm especially grateful for the abundant love we share here in this family.
Don't worry, Marie, there will always be a piece of cheesecake with your name on it.
Much love
Chris