[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Dear Carolyn,

I saw your call for inspiration and you pushed my buttons. I would urge you to please read my thread CAUTIOUS REMISSION along LIFE-CHANGING BOOKS TO READ thread and of course my signature which tells my story.

Of course Life is a roller coaster ride and once you add bc, it's like uber ups and downs. My day, all this time later, is filled w/me trying to become One With The Universe, to acknowledge my stunningly scared to death feelings and their horrid what if scenarios that beg to play out in my head all day.

There can be none of that. It will only drag me down, I know. Olympic gold medalists do not linger in such negativity. The VICTORS in Life are the ones who reprogram their mental chatter and find mantra-like phrases to bounce around their heads, into their life force and course through their bodies all day, instead. Not an easy task, I am well aware, but so worth the effort. And, it does get easier w/practice, like all things.

Stay STRONG, BRAVE AND DETERMINED. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. One step at a time. One at a time. And, when necessary, one hour at a time.

Be gentle with yourself. Pamper yourself. You've been through so much. And done it with grace. Good for you. Naturally, you have your moments. You are human. You're a radiant Soul, but you are presently quite human as well.

Also, my husband was a pretty huge mess though strong for me when I needed him to be. He needed to feel he could help, which of course he couldn't bc wise. So he drove me to every appointment, assimilated all information and acted as my personal tape recorder, repeating and explaining what I/we'd just heard. My brain would seize up at certain points and hear nothing after that. He marketed for me, he went to the dry cleaner, the drug store, did the laundry. These tasks delighted him as it was a way for him to participate. He dealt with the insurance company -- all this allowing me to focus on me and on HEALING!

So, Carolyn, I suggest you learn to live AS IF. (I describe this wonderful new way of being for myself someplace within the threads I mentioned above.)

With love,
Andi