[Believe51]

I cannot believe that I can be the only person out of thousands that experience joy so often. Where is everyone?? My life is pretty much out of control right now and I find joy everyday.

This Weeks Joy's: I found my Mother-in-Laws medallions that she thought were gone for good.

My husband took his first Ixempra treatment.

My father got out of the hospital, yet again. The 18th was his birthday.

I came across a paper in my Mother-in-Laws desk. It was information concerning the Tykerb we needed last year and could not get at the time but eventually did. His Mommy was trying to get him these drugs without a computer, the old fashioned way. I smiled and cried that I miss her already, what a woman. I also found every card we ever sent her, thought I was a pack rat!

I took Ed to lunch and dinner at different occasions and watched him eat.

One of those dinners included watching a special needs adult celebrating her birthday. When they sang 'Happy Birthday' she was screaming in happiness. Almost the entire restaurant clapped for her and there were not too many dry eyes in the house. I had to approach her table to give her my own wishes, she struck my heart and this was a very sad day for me too. She grabbed my hand, held tight and did not want to let go. She looked in my eyes and smiled, she rejoiced with me and shared her happiness once more. Her smile is burned into my mind. I thanked the case workers and explained how I try to see joy everyday and that today, this woman, this stranger made me melt. My entire day was changed for the better.

I survived another day that I did not think I could and today is a much better one.

I have spent alot of time cleaning out my Mother-in-Laws home and keep coming across things that make me smile through the grief.

The chemo nurses remembered Ed's Mom passed and gave us a sympathy card as soon as we entered infusion for the day.

I slept for 12 hours straight just because I wanted to. I normally can meditate myself to sleep with deep concentrating but have been doing it from pure exhaustion.

I seen never before viewed pictures from Mighty Oak's life. I found a double of my favorite ones that I have in my living room. He was on his knees hugging his Border Collie around the neck as Mom sat on the step. I swear he looked exactly like cute little Timmy from Lassie. Precious.

My Mom approached a friend she used to work with in the funeral home. She had Mom G's obit and was going to ask him to laminate them as a favor. He told her, "Oh like these??" He had already done some for us.

I spent alot of time alone lately, partly against my will, Ed is in and out of sleep. This time has been put to good use instead of sadness. I have gotten more things done than I ever thought I could. I have also mourned alone for Mom G and have felt this time has helped me to mourn true. Still got a long way to go but time will heal.

I have my Mother-in-Laws favorite antique lamps adorning my home. One is a dragonfly Tiffany lamp, gorgeous. I have her things placed all over my home and it feels so good to have pieces of her all over.

I have found peace through all of the horrors I have experienced in the last two months. I am not sure how except form God, family and reaching deep down inside of myself. I thank you again for seeing me through one of the toughest parts of my life.

I take one day at a time since getting laid off and feel that I am meant to be at home right now.

I have lost 13 pounds that I have been trying to lose. I stopped weighing myself and focused just on getting and staying in the game. Ed noticed without me telling him so I weighed in and got surprised since it was not coming off at all for so long I put the scale away.

And I still believe!

This thread has always helped me to move forward with smiles and really hope that we can start to post again. I am not the only one with joy and if I can see it through all the fog in my life, you can too. Please, even if you do not post, please see these joys. There are other joys that do not include 'clean scans', we must see them. And I hope that we can share.

Now what is your joy today??