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Believe51 · 05-01-2009, 12:05 AM

I have cleaned up the campsite and replenished our stock. Fire has been burning long and hard. I threw my almond shells in the flames and they burned such a pretty color. I also threw all of my stress and fears to burn away.

I lay here unable to sleep so I meditate looking up at the clear night sky. I think how spectacular my relationships are, how beautiful nature is and yearn for gathering my own time to be able to experience more. I try not to think of why this is all happening to Ed and I, the reason does not matter. This is happening and we have accepted it without its reason for this is our life now. However, it is perfect Zen times like this that I get a little sad and right before I start to get overwhelmed and cry, I thank God for this moment and beg him for more.

I throw this message into the fire. Burn baby, burn. I throw the same message from you into it too. I pray for us all and whisper goodnight in all of your ears. As my son used to say to me as I tucked him in each night, "See you in the morning when the sun comes up." This phrase has since then become a special thought I whisper nightly and tonight it is to you all.>>Believe51

05-01-2009, 12:05 AM	#3
Believe51 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: RHODE ISLAND (Ed getting me a latte on 2nd Cancerversary Cruise 2008) 'BELIEVE': To accept as true or real, To have faith in, To presume ALWAYS BELIEVE Posts: 3,000	I have cleaned up the campsite and replenished our stock. Fire has been burning long and hard. I threw my almond shells in the flames and they burned such a pretty color. I also threw all of my stress and fears to burn away. I lay here unable to sleep so I meditate looking up at the clear night sky. I think how spectacular my relationships are, how beautiful nature is and yearn for gathering my own time to be able to experience more. I try not to think of why this is all happening to Ed and I, the reason does not matter. This is happening and we have accepted it without its reason for this is our life now. However, it is perfect Zen times like this that I get a little sad and right before I start to get overwhelmed and cry, I thank God for this moment and beg him for more. I throw this message into the fire. Burn baby, burn. I throw the same message from you into it too. I pray for us all and whisper goodnight in all of your ears. As my son used to say to me as I tucked him in each night, "See you in the morning when the sun comes up." This phrase has since then become a special thought I whisper nightly and tonight it is to you all.>>Believe51 __________________ 9/7/06Husband 50yrs=StageIV IBC/HER2+,BoneMets10/06TaxotereX10,'H'1X wk,Zometa,Tamoxifen4/12/07Last Tax5/18/07Pet=Rapid Cell Activity,No Organ Mets,Lytic Lesions,Degeneration,Some Bone Repair5/07ChemoFail6/01/07Pleural Thoracentisis=Effusions,NoMalignantCells6/19/07+7/2/07DFCI 6/25/07BrainMRI=BrainMets,Many<9mm7/10/07WBR/PelvisRad37.5Gx15&Nutritionist8/19/07T/X9/20/07BrainMRI=2<2mm10/6/07Pet=BoneProgression 10/24/07ChemoFail11/9/07A/Cx10,EndTam12/7/07Faslodex12/10/07Muga7512/13/07BlasticLesions1/7/08BrainMRI=Clear4/1/08Pet=BoneImprovement, NoProgression,Stable4/7/08BrainPerfect5/16/08Last A/C8/26/08BrainMets=10(<9mm)9/10/08Gamma10/30/08Met=5mm12/19/08Gamma5mets5 12/22/08SpinalMets1/14/09SpinalRads2/17/09BrainMRI=NoNewMets4/20/09BoneScan5/14/09Ixempra6/1/09BrainMRI=NumerousMets6/24/09DFCIw/DrBurstein6/26/09Continue Ixempra/Faslodex/Zometa~TM now lower7/17/09Stop Ixempra By Choice9/21/09HOSPICE10/16/09Earned His Deserved Wings And Halo=37 Month Fight w/Stage 4 IBC, Her2+++,My Hero!!