[Believe51]

Last night I was a little sad, no reason just everything. I had a bit of anxiety and decided to use it to my benefit. When I got into the house I asked Ed where the giant sponge was so I could go wash the car. I know how he likes a clean car ("Take Pride In Your Ride"~his motto). I also know that this maybe a tad emotionally for me and that feelings would come to the surface. I used to spend my days washing, waxing and buffing the Cadillac for relaxation. This used to be 'my time' and I so appreciated it. That car was taken by cancer, kind of our way of downsizing and getting ready for whatever future we would have. The car was our dream vehicle and although I used it all the time, Ed could only witness it parked in the driveway; it hurt him not being able to enjoy it. Since we needed only one car after diagnosis, I decided it was best to sell it so we could get ready for 'that time'. Also it would not be a constant reminder of what was. I have washed and buffed our Camry Solara before but it is not the same, of course I am not a materialistic person, the pain comes from the cancer and our altered life.

Remember please: I only asked him where the sponge was.

Quickly he jumped up to get it. I thought I was safe but then he proceeded to hand me squirt bottles of rim cleaner, Windex, precleaner. It did not stop there.....a wire brush, assorted towels, the hand vac. I looked at him and busted out in a fit of laughter, I almost emptied my bladder right then and there!

Today's Joy: No one makes me laugh like Ed does. I was crying because I was so besides myself with so much happiness. Cancer will never rob us from that!! I just could not stop laughing. Ed, sick as he is, really is still the same person he was. My little creature of habit had given me something no one else can.....himself. Wow do I love him!!

I did have an emotional time with those thoughts and memories. I was sad washing the car, memories flooding the mind. I had taken the faceplate to the stereo and had Pink Floyd blasting like a teenager would. I looked up to the sunny sky and thanked God. I thanked him for another day to love this man. I thanked him for helping us acheive this time together. And best of all, I thanked him for sending us such a wonderful group of friends. I also thanked him for the family waiting at the campfire just to shield me from the evils I was enduring.

I love you all so very much. Today is another day and I feel much better.>>Believe51